We spend a lot of our childhoods imagining what it would be like to be a grown up. Maybe we had an idea that we'd be married and parents by our twenties. Or maybe we didn't want that, but figured we'd be settled into jobs and adult life by our thirties, like in the shows we watched. Either way we spent years conditioning ourselves to believe that we have a very short window to have those amazing grown up adventures before we have to give them up and settle into a normal life . . . Like maybe we saw our parents or adults in our lives did.
But now you're here in your twenties and nothing makes sense, not like you thought it did. And though the reality is muddled and murky in front of you, you still have that conditioning that's told you your clock is ticking. So, what can you do? Life is uncertain but you cling to what you know, which is that your young adulthood is short.
Well, write down everything you want to do. As a list, as a prose poem, as a collage. Whatever. Write it all down. Count them. And then begin to do them. Check them off one by one. Don't be afraid to add to the list as the inspiration strikes you. Eventually you'll hit that birthday where you wonder what you've done in your twenties. If you didn't waste your time. Look back at the list and see all that you've done. Look at all you've yet to do. And ask yourself if all that you haven't done can't still be accomplished in the next stage of your life? Will your soul suddenly shrivel, and will your heart harden so much you no longer want to do the list?
I'm betting the answers to these questions will be no. So proceed to finish, and add, and edit, and rediscover the list.
Nov 23, 2024
Related Recs
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I’m about to turn 30 and idk if my 21 year old self would approve of where I’m at—but my 6 year old self sure as hell would!! I think a lot of life is finding your way back to Little You.
Being 21 is so so hard, and in college you’re first starting to see that you can’t judge your progress based on other people. Even though that’s how you were taught to judge yourself up until this point. The things you want now probably won’t matter to you in a few years, and for me that would have sounded terrifying at 21. But that doesn’t mean the things you want now aren’t important.
You can think of it in terms of tattoos. If you get a tattoo at 16 it’s not because you know it will represent you always and forever—it’s to commemorate a moment, a feeling of boldness you wanted to wear proudly. And down the line you don’t look at it with regret, but a softness for that younger part of you. Feel your feelings fully in this moment! Be bold with what you care about! Every age is special.
Practical advice:
Try to listen to your body and not your head. Do I actually like how I feel spending time with this person? Am I going through the motions of this hobby because I think it will service something else? Does xyz come naturally to me, or does it feel forced? No action needed. This exercise isn’t about flipping your life upside down, just take notice of how your body feels in certain situations. Start to notice when you’re in fight or flight versus happy and free. Find the ease and follow it
Jan 25, 2025
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A HUGE text that probably no one will read but I'm bored.
Everything as we like it: you didn't ask for it, but you'll get it, sign here. I took the three most popular questions in this category and "very briefly" tried to convey the essence of MY thoughts on them. MY THOUGHTS. NOT RULES. NOT FUCKING PHILOSOPHY. I MIGHT BE WRONG. And i might delete it later just like J. Cole.
(small footnote - I don't know anything myself, I'm living for the first time, I could be wrong about everything, I just have nothing else to do on vacation, so I write. But, it might be useful to someone, because I have a certain system in my head, I live by it, I like everything).
1. "What to do in life?" - this is, no joke, the most fucking difficult question in life.
Along the way, it transforms. People aged 18-24 ask it just like this "What to do in life?", and around 30 it forms into "How the fuck to get everything done?", but the essence is the same. You don't know what's worth spending time on and what you can fuck off. And there's no mechanism for making decisions about it. Around 50, it seems to transform into "Why the fuck do anything at all?", but I haven't gotten there yet, can't say anything.
So, if you're 17-24 and you don't know what to do in life - it's totally normal. That's how it should be, everything's fine. Your brain isn't even fully formed yet, and you're already trying to find answers to the most difficult questions. Fuck it off, you'll just waste time, you'll rethink everything 10 times later. The coolest thing you can (and should, imo) do is gain experience. You need to try everything possible. You need to try all kinds of hobbies, different fields of interest, touch different professions, try different people, different countries, different food, different companies, everything different.
The idea is very simple: you have a fucking long time to live. And the sooner you understand what you REALLY like, the better. You're just freely trying different things from creativity to science. Find those that really excite you and dive headfirst into your love. It doesn't necessarily have to be a job, by the way. It can be any activity, people, company, family, hobby, anything. Treat everything as a test drive. But, not just like that, but with the purpose of looking at your feelings. You taste all the markers for taste and color, choose your favorites and calmly dive into them. And over the next 8-10 years, with sincere love for the thing, you can build such a career (family, relationships, competence, blah blah blah) that you'll be surprised yourself.
In short: try, compare, analyze, accumulate favorite activities and people. You're probably going to live a long life with them.
(I fucking love writing huge texts, for example. Here I am sitting by the ocean under a palm tree, next to a pool, bar, all that stuff, but typing on a laptop is far more interesting to me than all that combined)
For 28-35
For you, it's not all that joyful anymore. If the above-described work was done initially at about 20 years old, you have minimal problems. You're doing your favorite thing and you probably already have significant results. You just need to learn to allocate time for rest so as not to completely lose your mind, allocate time for loved ones and everything will be fine. Finding the right balance is indeed a challenge, but it's a purely individual battle. But at least you know where to look for the answer - in the balance.
But for those who didn't do the preparatory work at +/- 20 years, it might be fun. When you, not knowing your real preferences, real interests, real mechanisms of endorphin production in your head, jump into some long activity (a long career where you need to work 8-10 years for a promotion, family with children, mortgages, some other serious commitments), then you really have a 50/50 chance.
Either, you just guessed right and everything is fine, or you're fucked. At 30-40, to discover on some random Tuesday that everything you've been doing all your life is empty and doesn't bring you any joy - that's fucked up. It's very unpleasant. Because in your head you immediately have two extremes: either resign yourself and pull the strap to the end, knowing that nothing bright is foreseen in your life (well, something bright will be, but certainly not as you dreamed as a child), or destroy everything and build anew, and you're not 20 anymore. You've already spent 10 years. And the feeling of a missed life/opportunities will only get heavier with each day.
(if one of your friends starts doing some incomprehensible shit that he never did before, take a closer look, maybe he needs support)
What to do in such a situation? I don't fuckin' know. I've never been in that. But, what I definitely WOULD NOT do: I would definitely not make sudden movements and not destroy everything to the foundation (firings, divorces from wives, moving to another country to start "all over").
There will be no "All over". You're already 30+, and part of your life has passed as it has. It's neither good nor bad, just a fact. And no matter how you turn it, you did something good during that time. Family, competencies, position, some resources, real estate, blah blah blah. And there's a lot of valuable, important, and bright there.
But, if it became clear that something in life is SERIOUSLY wrong, then this understanding is already good. And you start with something simple - give yourself an hour a week to try what you've always wanted. Everyone has one hour a week. Just to try. Without conclusions, analysis, reasoning, and judgments of yourself. Just try your foot in the water in the pond once. A week later you can dedicate another hour. If you really like it, then you can dedicate an hour every week. Or even two. And gradually, little by little, add things to your life, but NOT GIVING UP everything you already have. You've been building all this for many years (including your personality), you can destroy it in a week, but it may take another 10 years to rebuild it all. And it's not a fact that it will be possible to restore everything in its original form.
The scheme is the same: give yourself something to try, if it goes on distance and you really want it, then CAREFULLY, quietly, start reallocating resources in that direction (attention, money, time, here and there). Don't break anything, but gently change the course of your ship. Because sometimes it happens that somehow hormones in your body just fucked up at one moment, your head is sideways, you believed that your life is complete darkness, destroyed everything, and then on the ashes it let you go and you realize that you destroyed everything just like that. And that's even more painful. Therefore, little by little, by teaspoon. Ideally - with a psychologist.
(I have a process in my notes that I should try this much new stuff in such-and-such a period, works great)
2. "What to do if you've lost your bearings?".
Very simple: the only bearing for you - is yourself. You - are the only person with whom you will fully live this life, all its joys and difficulties. Teachers will leave, idols will crumble under close examination, loved ones love you (I hope) just because, they wish you well, but they will not invent the meaning of your life for you. Only you can decide. And if you set a bearing on someone or some picture, what to do the moment that person or picture disappears? Be sad. But you shouldn't.
Therefore, we look at point #1, open a pack of markers, and start trying each one. And we make decisions based ONLY on our own taste and color.
3. "How to find the strength to get up in the morning and start doing something?".
Not at all. Want to do something - do it. Don't want to - fuck it.
The essence is very simple - you have one life. Just one. There won't be another. Absolutely none. And there are no chances of a "Continue" button appearing after a dark screen. They won't even show the final scores.
There will be no feelings, no wind in your hair, no close people, no achievements, no travels, neither pain nor joy, fucking nothing. After some time, we all will have nothing and we ourselves will also be gone.
Personally, this realization really motivates me to get my ass up every day and do something. Achieve new career heights, earn money, travel, meet people, take care of my mind and body, because I won't have anything else. I have my torso, I have my life, I have some mechanism of endorphin production in my head and I have to do something with all this.
We are just guests here. For a bit. We can peek into this world, literally for a moment (60-80 years - it's just dust, in the context of history). And personally, I want to use this moment to the fullest. I want to smear myself with my favorite markers from head to toe and roll in them as long as possible.
And if you don't want to, you don't need anything and generally you're fine (considering that no one will give you a second chance) - well, that's great! Not joking, I'm really happy for you if doing nothing is
a conscious decision that gives you joy. You can confidently sit on the couch, grab a pack of chips, and wait until your heart stops.
And I'll still, probably, twitch and do something. Of course, I understand that globally all my activities have no meaning. In the context of history, my particular life means fucking nothing, so it doesn't matter what I manage to do during my time. Any result of mine will be erased a few years after death. Well, maybe in ten. The main motivation - I just have a lot of fun, it's interesting and exciting. That's all. There's no global meaning, I just enjoy it. Because I found my markers by random trials and errors. And I'll find a few more in the future. And I really don't want it to ever end, but it fucking will.
So, the only thing left is to have fun, enjoy and live life. You won't have another opportunity to do this.
Jun 11, 2024
I turned 21 in february 2020, so, ya know. My world changed quick.
But truly I just remember trying various things, trying to define and undefine myself. Feeling what it felt like to stick to my guns, then readjust them. I was in the middle of what would be a 2.5 year relationship. I didn't kid myself with picturing a big future anymore than what was sweet, which was wonderful. I was living with a partner for the first time and felt like I knew what to do, like I was experienced enough for all the problems which faced me. but really I was just experienced enough to start so many things.
I was constantly bouncing between total pride and complete faliure. Playing house in a house I was actually renting with friends. Experimenting with what grocery shopping for myself meant to my life, redifining how I was going to live my days in the future.
The best thing I did in my 21st year of life was not be too mean to myself for not committing, and just committing to new things. I would go dance in the park, go on walks, edit music. All things I wish I did on the regular but regardless, by trying new things, it made it so much easier to pick them up, because I had a frame of reference for the world.
I loved being 20, as depressed as I was. That specific creativity is gone. But now I am 25 and know how to weild my own magic. The depth I have always felt within my soul has farther definition. Its like I put on glasses in a 7th dimention. Don't underestimate the beautiful growth ahead. Yes you are an adult, equipped hopefully to start so many new things. But keep up that internal work, and the years will be bountiful towards true inner peace.
And soo many more new tools to better learn how to tackle issues while still feeling like yourself.
u got this. stay true to urself but be flexibl with redifining who that is.
x
Jun 12, 2024
Top Recs from @Indigo_sodapop
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Don't act immediately upon the desire to do something life altering like chopping off our hair, getting bangs, or a tattoo, or faking your death!
Wait 30 days. Is the temptation still there? If no, then you've saved yourself some trouble. If yes, the obviously it's a Canon event and you have to 🤷🏾♀️
Nov 15, 2024
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Idk if you mean hatred of your like material conditions or hatred of yourself but both were mixed together for me.
I had no idea I hated my life so much until I had to sit back last year and realize a lot of the dumb decisions I made that ruined my life as I knew it were . . . More rooted in hatred than I realized. I mean, yeah economic factors and capitalist bullshit was also a major factor but boy I could have avoided a quarter of the pain I endured if I'd just not hated myself so fucking bad.
So there I was, moved back into my childhood home with my sorta toxic family, no job, no prospects on the horizon. Everything I told myself I'd end up being because I fulfilled my own prophecy in an attempt to be someone I didn't even think I deserved to be. And I couldn't change the economy, and I couldn't change the past. But I could change me. I could appreciate what I still had left after spiraling, and appreciate the chance to grow again in the future. Started a Substack, got a hobby, learned to enjoy reading books again, etc.
So it's gonna take a lot of unflinching introspection, maybe Journaling if you're into that, and learning what your bad coping methods are so you can slowly change it . . . But it can be done. You just gotta change one little habit st a time. And it might take longer than you want, but it'll feel better when you do.
Dec 3, 2024
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Even just once in your life. You got a Fandom you absolutely adore, it keeps you going and fills your life with something positive and meaningful? Give writing for it a try! Even just a 500 word dribble you plop on to Tumblr and never touch again. It's quite nice.
Nov 21, 2024