Idk if you mean hatred of your like material conditions or hatred of yourself but both were mixed together for me.
I had no idea I hated my life so much until I had to sit back last year and realize a lot of the dumb decisions I made that ruined my life as I knew it were . . . More rooted in hatred than I realized. I mean, yeah economic factors and capitalist bullshit was also a major factor but boy I could have avoided a quarter of the pain I endured if I'd just not hated myself so fucking bad.
So there I was, moved back into my childhood home with my sorta toxic family, no job, no prospects on the horizon. Everything I told myself I'd end up being because I fulfilled my own prophecy in an attempt to be someone I didn't even think I deserved to be. And I couldn't change the economy, and I couldn't change the past. But I could change me. I could appreciate what I still had left after spiraling, and appreciate the chance to grow again in the future. Started a Substack, got a hobby, learned to enjoy reading books again, etc.
So it's gonna take a lot of unflinching introspection, maybe Journaling if you're into that, and learning what your bad coping methods are so you can slowly change it . . . But it can be done. You just gotta change one little habit st a time. And it might take longer than you want, but it'll feel better when you do.
Dec 3, 2024
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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Typically it boils down to forming habits you aspire to have. Which is infinitely more difficult than it sounds unfortunately. Especially if you aren’t already aware of what causes what you don’t like about yourself. That takes therapy and introspection. Just remember that at the end of the day change can’t happen over night, or at least the change that counts. Give yourself grace and time to evolve, because at the end of the day thats what life’s journey is all about.
Jun 7, 2024
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I’ve been thinking about this a lot regarding my plan to purge/organize my home, because the way I used to do projects like this just doesn’t work anymore. I can no longer wait until I have the energy, then do as much as I can in one go. I do not have the gift of uninterrupted time anymore. Instead, I’ve had to adjust to a more slow and steady way of working. I choose *one* space to work on each day. Often times it ends up being one drawer, or corner, or step in the process.
Logically this is great and the best way to meet my goals. Mentally/emotionally I kid of hate it because it’s not how I’ve worked for my entire life. I have big ideas and want to do them right now!!!! But, when is growth or change ever without a bit of uncomfortability or pain?
So, I am actively changing my mindset. I speak positively to myself about the one small thing I did that day. I share that one small thing with my husband and friends. Because in actuality if it was so easy for me to do, I would’ve done it before. So my effort deserves some recognition!! Positive reinforcement, even when it’s to our own selves, can carry us a long way 🫶
Jan 13, 2025
Top Recs from @Indigo_sodapop
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Don't act immediately upon the desire to do something life altering like chopping off our hair, getting bangs, or a tattoo, or faking your death!
Wait 30 days. Is the temptation still there? If no, then you've saved yourself some trouble. If yes, the obviously it's a Canon event and you have to 🤷🏾♀️
Nov 15, 2024
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Even just once in your life. You got a Fandom you absolutely adore, it keeps you going and fills your life with something positive and meaningful? Give writing for it a try! Even just a 500 word dribble you plop on to Tumblr and never touch again. It's quite nice.
Nov 21, 2024
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It's a cold world but your dreams are bath warm. So take at LEAST an hour out of your day to daydream about something that stretches the limits of your reality. Like . . . .
Opening up a creamery in Iceland. Or playing hide and seek with friends in the Dolomites. Right now I daydream about opening up a late night cafe open from 10pm to 6 am, where you can buy books and use free wi-fi and play some arcade games.
Nov 16, 2024