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“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” — Anaïs Nin This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share. I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice. I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see. I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and  logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay! Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible. I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom. Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌
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Comments (49)

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you are such an incredibly strong person for doing this and i'm so glad you have such a supportive community of people around you. you should be really proud of yourself
14h ago
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you are a tremendous beacon of wonder, humor, and joy on this website. it’s heartbreaking to know that you had to endure that pain but i’m overjoyed to hear you’ve found some peace and i wish you the absolute best
14h ago
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my mom did this for us when i was just a baby. and still, i can’t even imagine how hard this must have been. i’m so glad you have support and a safe landing. this wasn’t just a decision that saved you from abuse, but generations. i have a happy and loving marriage now because my mom was so brave then, and taught me the warning signs as i was growing up. you are a superhero to many ❤️ sending lots of love
14h ago
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proud of you tater! keep going, things will only get better from here
14h ago
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We're here for you 💚💚 Never stop being yourself.
15h ago
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💛💛💛💛💛💛
15h ago
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🫶🫶
15h ago
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Sending you love, light, strength, and courage. You are fierce and worth every ounce of goodness. The joy will find you.
15h ago
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You have an exceptional heart, mind, and spirit! So many good things await you
16h ago
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💚💚💚
16h ago
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fuck, now I really need to talk to you. Very intense but I feel my situation is similar to yours. Let me know
16h ago
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sending you all my love tate ❤️❤️❤️ so glad you have a support system to get you through this and that you had the courage to acknowledge what was happening and step away. wishing you all the best as always!!!
16h ago
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keep your head up — you got this ❤️
17h ago
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sending you so much love and hugs 🫂
18h ago
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Proud of you friend <3
18h ago
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I'm so sorry you went through this, but thank you for sharing. I hope this place has been a kind refuge in that time (and in the future!)
18h ago
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So proud of you. this is not an easy thing at all and your courage is admirable. I’m glad you showed up for yourself. The only way out is through !!!! you’ve got this… keep showing up. Thanks for sharing your story!!
18h ago
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what an inspiring read !! nothing to be ashamed about, i hope you feel very proud of yourself cause what you just did is not an easy step at all. It takes courage and the deepest of strengths! it makes me so happy to hear that there are good people and that they are around you to hold u and help u now. You fucking got this 🩷🩷🩷
18h ago
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wowowowow. you are so incredibly strong for not only getting yourself out of that situation, but also having the bravery to share it with everyone. sending you so much love and so many prayers in this transitional time of life ♥️ the best is yet to come!
18h ago
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so incredibly proud of you and your strength, not only in making this massive seemingly impossible change, but having the courage to share. we all love and support you and cannot wait to see you not just survive but thrive!! you deserve the best and i am so sincerely grateful you shared this with us 💕❤️‍🩹
19h ago
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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
20h ago
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Be so proud of yourself for leaving. It’s hard to break out, especially when you’ve lived through repeating patterns of abuse. It’s been one year of no contact with my most recent abuser. And my god, it really does change your life for the better. You’re not alone and I wish you the absolute best! <3
20h ago
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so proud of you for taking steps to protect you and your peace. cheers to the start of a new life that is much more gentle.
20h ago
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Ah this made me cry. I’m very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. I’m 5 months out from leaving an abusive relationship and like someone else said, your future self is holding you. Congratulations, you are so brave, worth it, loved🤍
20h ago
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Aww, I'm so happy for you 🩷 I'm sending you lots of love for you and this new chapter in your life 🩷🩷🩷
20h ago
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Proud of you, Doc! Glad you’re safe now and have this new beginning. Being in an abusive relationship can leave people feeling trapped, like they have no way out, but I hope more discover their path out and get the necessary support to leave. Life is far too short to spend it with someone who makes you feel unsafe or unhappy or unfulfilled. Sending you love ❤️
21h ago
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sending you so much love rn, i am so glad you are able to move forward and onto the better life you deserve ❤️
21h ago
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You are incredibly brave for this. I hope you have the brightest future ahead of you!
21h ago
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I am so, so glad that there are better days ahead for you 💚
21h ago
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we all deserve peace love and respect. happy to hear that you are finding that for yourself. you are brave! your are cool! we all love you and are rooting for you here on pi.fyi 🙏
21h ago
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proud of you ❤️ wishing you all the luck in the world in your new chapter
21h ago
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te abrazo, doctor. your life will be a beautiful one, you got this! i’ll be here if u need anything i can help you with x
21h ago
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Congratulations on a new life and having you take a step forward to the path you deserve. Today I’m thankful for your vulnerability and having you recognize the state you were in, as it will help you grow wiser 💜 Move in peace knowing karma exists and love is on your side. Thank you for choosing life. Your own, above all else.
21h ago
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We’re all so proud of you! This new chapter is going to be everything for you 🖤
22h ago
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;______; wishing you safety and rest and joy on your new journey friend 🫂🫂🫂🫂
22h ago
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proud of you!
22h ago
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you got this!!! and you deserve truly the best, you have our support and best wishes!!!
22h ago
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Holding in my urge to plan multiple assassinations…I’m proud of past Tate for doing things she didn’t think she could, proud of present tate for being brave day by day, proud of future Tate for the cool shit she’s gonna with all the new space and safety
22h ago
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happiness requires a great deal of courage. wishing you a wonderful new beginning 💓
22h ago
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Taterhole I am truly wishing you a loving a beautiful journey moving forward. You bring so much joy to people (although I don’t know you personally, you’ve had a positive impact on my life and probably everyone on this app). You deserve that same joy in return tenfold!! Your vulnerability is much appreciated, we love you !!!
22h ago
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This is such an incredibly brave thing to share and such a reminder that everyone is dealing with things you have absolutely no idea about, so much love and wishing you all the best in your new life <33
23h ago
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much love and strength to you tater! you have an exciting new adventure in front of you, keep going and don’t look back!
23h ago
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https://open.spotify.com/track/3aGMz4po4ANmK479YvO4T0?si=2681e2a9e41c44b8
23h ago
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Tater!!!! I am blown away. You are so brave and so deserving of the greatest love there is. I can imagine this is a very scary yet exciting time for you, thank you for sharing it with us. While it may only be virtual, I’ve got your back! I’m so glad you‘ve got a robust support system through this 💗💗
1d ago
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Thank you for sharing this, Tater - this goes without saying, but know the whole PI community is proud of and rooting for you. Leaving a situation like that isn't easy.  You'll continue do amazing things and I hope this chapter is kind and loving to you. You deserve it. 
1d ago
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You are brave and beautiful— thank you for being an open, generous soul and sharing your journey 💛 !!!!!
1d ago
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omg taterhole, this made me cry! you deserve the best in the whole world!!!! what a blessing this new beginning is. you are so brave and courageous and amazing!! i’m so happy for you :) my kitties and i will be thinkin about you today! ♥️🥹
1d ago
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@CHRONICWEBUSER THANK YOU DEAREST!!!! 🫂💖🥹
1d ago
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@TATERHOLE 🫂🫂🫂 youre future self is holding you right now saying ty n it’s gunna be okay 🥹
23h ago

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28 March 2024 “I never used to be this insecure It’s strange  I don’t recognise my new self I thought this worry made me a better person” -me “I thought all this worry made me a better person.” Trapped in the illusion that if I thought about everything enough I could win at life, I would be the kindest, most successful, mature and ration person I could be. for me being irrational was worse than death. it’s ironic isn’t it? A teenage girl ridden in shame, misplaced desire and overwhelming hate for myself, my past and all actions I had partaken in. The type of shame that feels like a splitting headache that’s been around for years. The type of shame that makes you throw up on nature walks because the silence of the trees becomes a theatre projecting all the terrible things you have done and said. Shame was my water, shame was the ground beneath my feet, shame was the sun wrapping around me and leaving my body tingling on a hot day. Shame was inescapable and replaced all my pleasures with pain. With many anxieties and obsessions i have had previously there was irrational elements to them, my great fears were bazaar and shockingly niche. This new obsession was a wolf wrapped up in a warm fuzzy logical cloak That loved to remind me of all the horrific parts of myself. But how could it stop following me this haunting picture of myself and the people I had hurt, how could I fix any of it. how could I even face it. With this dilema of having a guilty conscious finally explode on me like a shaken bottle of Pepsi waiting for its escape. I choose there is nothing but to fix it. fix it all. But how? i Decide I must think about it. all the time. This would form a punishment to myself that meant i was doing a service to those I’d hurt. Secondly whenever I have a good time or a moment of joy, I would remind myself that this was unfair and I must return to my shame because I was still in guilt jail and owed it to those I had hurt. thirdly I would from now on do everything perfectly and not hurt a single soul ever again, they could hurt me all they wanted. but I could not hurt them. I couldn’t possibly bare adding any extra shame on to the debt I was in to the gods or karma or just myself. This ofc was all stupid Very stupid After turmoil and finding myself completely unable to form proper connections because of my obsession with being perfect all the time for absolutely everyone ever I was broken. More broken than before. how have I done it wrong again. This punishment hasn’t changed anything! Not the people I hurt! Not myself! And I’m hurting more people. I wanted to die. this part funny or not. Dramatic or not. It was true. I didn’t want to be alive. I didn’t want to think. all I wanted was to do it all again. Be a better me a kinder me one who didn’t yell at her mother, go To school drunk, sleep with the wrong people, be a terrible friend to someone to trusted me dearly, talk shit and gossip about people I love. I wish I haven’t done any of it. I wish I had never had sex. I wish I didnt know what sex was. I wish I never drank. I wish I never let anyone kiss me. I wish I never was a teenager. I wish I didn’t need to learn how to be good. I wish I wish I wish I just knew. Just knew how to be good. Like those people who come out the womb shining and loving with fountains of patience and love. It wasn’t me. I came out kicking and screaming and selfish and I stayed that way for years. but I couldnt change this I couldnt wish it all away or run away or kill myself. So I had to accept I had to apologise And I had to love And stop fucking thinking for one second. I’m ending this terribly for the sole Reason my figures hurt but long story short I confronted my shame with love and compassion. And I’m aloud to fuck up we all are and I no longer want to die. This isn’t simple and I’m making it sound I have to practice everyday for this. But I’m happy and I love my life and myself and I’m so proud of me. And I did this in less than a year. SO FUCK OCD and yay me
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