Envy
🫂
Fourteen months of sharing my deepest, darkest thoughts and insecurities with a group of random strangers ended last Friday, with hugs and tears and goodbye notes. I'm going to miss my little group and our weekly chats, but I'm glad I'm at a point where I function like a semi-normal adult. Maybe not all the time, but more often than not. I couldn't say this a year ago, but now I can: I'm proud of the person I've become in this group.
Oct 13, 2024
I hadn't seen my friend since New Year's Eve. Now it was October, her wedding day, and she barely gave me the chance to gush over her gorgeous dress, her makeup, her jewelry.
"You look happier," she said. "Your energy has changed. It's much calmer now. I'm happy for you."
I love her for taking the time out of her special day to notice me like that.
Oct 13, 2024
📌
"Your room looks like a museum," he told me the first time I let him into my bed. He traced the trinkets on my shelves, then paused to look at the wall covered in postcards. "The Museum of Envy."
I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a compliment, but I took it as one. The wall has changed since then. The postcards have made place for vintage maps of places I hope to visit again one day, for boarding passes from long ago trips, for bank notes from faraway places, for illustrations and pictures and images that would make my friends say: "Yeah, that's Envy."
My memory wall is a museum. The museum of me and everything I love.
Oct 7, 2024
🤧
The intern has been coughing up a storm at the office for over a month now, and this week's sacrifice to the gods of snot and sniveling is yours truly. I'm currently sat on a folding chair in my parents' backyard, at the edge of the pond, soaking up sunlight and fresh air like an old-timey tuberculosis patient in new-timey sweatpants. Half of the time my thoughts don't make any sense. When I open my mouth, you'll hear my fever talking. Nevertheless, I'm out and about, spouting words and comments that could be profound - probably only to wake up a week from now and think: "What was that even supposed to mean?"
Oct 5, 2024
🌬️
It's been a long one. Despite the equinox and darker clouds, it's not Fall quite yet. The city was still basking in sunlight for most of September. I could still do most of my evening runs in shorts, and the garden is still full of life. But I'm ready for autumn storms to blow my troubles away, for rain to give me a clean slate and a fresh start after months of aimlessly drifting through lazy summer days. It's been a long one, but it's time to see what the next chapter will bring.
Sep 30, 2024
🎵
"I'm never going to Amsterdam again!" I told my friend after we'd gotten stuck on the subway to her apartment. 'Never' didn't even last four months. I dated a man who lived there, became best friends with his roommate after our breakup, wrote my MA thesis at a legendary Amsterdam research institute. "It was always Amsterdam" for an amazing chapter of my life, despite its unhappy ending - a bit like the Wild Rivers song I listened to on my phone that chilly December day that set it all into motion.
Sep 29, 2024
maybe my most preferred working conditions
Sep 28, 2024
🗂️
The Dream has always been to become a writer, to pay my bills with my words - but The Dream isn't all that realistic. When money was running out quickly in July, I took a temp job at the HR department of a company full of finance bros. I was supposed to work there for four weeks, but Monday marks the start of week 10. I sort files all day, take notes for Substack pieces while I work, and go home to write all night. Afraid I'd never find a day job again, I found my peace of mind on the 5th floor of Rotterdam's Willemswerf. If only I could stay...
Sep 27, 2024
🔮
From time to time, the algorithm pulls me into a spiral of tarot readings that feed my delusions and self-destructive habits. Now I'm not the most experienced tarot reader, so it wasn't until I saw forevercherry's rec about tarot last month when I realized that my tough love cards and I have a calling: Providing second opinion readings to people stuck in a tarot loop. I mostly do them for friends now, but if I ever find the courage to monetize my skills, this is what's going on offer: One card, one dollar, one answer.
Sep 23, 2024
Where I'm from, you're not supposed to believe in ghosts or the supernatural. Still, I have one story up my sleeve that can't be explained in any other way. Give me a second to grab a pen and some paper ✍️
whether they involve ghosts or time warping or crop circles, I love to listen to people’s stories about their brushes with the unknown….this is one that happened when I was around seven years old, and recall so vividly it plays like a movie in my mind:
One morning, when my sister and I were very small, my family took us to Santa Fe to visit our uncle. We stayed in a gorgeous old adobe hacienda-style home, with my sister and I sharing a room. One early morning, our first one there, my sister (around four years old at the time) woke all of us up when she ran out of the bathroom absolutely hysterical, screaming that a man was in the bathroom. My parents, jumping to the conclusion that there must’ve been a peeping Tom in the tiny stained glass window adjacent to the toilet, scoured the area for anyone, or any sign of anyone. of course, they found nothing.
Later, when she was calmer and more intelligible, my sister told us a tall man wearing a coat and hat had appeared directly in front of her out of thin air, and she’d had to run around him to escape the bathroom. That evening, when my parents described the incident to my uncle (an architect whose boss graciously allowed us to stay in that house), he told us that while his boss had made jokes about the place being haunted, he never would’ve guessed it was true.
if you have a creepy story you’ve been itching to tell, help us set the Halloween mood at Gilded and send it over! We want to read it for our upcoming Halloween special. Our hearts (and Google form) are open to you ❤️🎃
Sep 21, 2024
Sep 22, 2024