I would want to know the secrets of Rasputin. I want to know if it's true his dick was big. The sociological, cultural and political implications of him having a big dick are monumental to the destiny of Russia. I know people say he didn't actually have that much influence but that's not what people believed at the time. I also want to know why he wouldn't die on the night he was supposed to die even though there were multiple things meant to kill him, including his food being poisoned, and what did it in the end such that he would finally die. I would also like to know the Vatican's secrets, so I kind of just want someone with access to all memories, records and registries from the place. I know there's tea.