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I valued the idea of being low maintenance and chill for so long and I don't know if it's been living in LA and or being around more rich people but I realized recently that it is all a lie. every single person that is effortlessly “just being themselves” is lying. They are getting acupuncture and lymphatic drainage and taking pilates and yoga 3 times a week and getting facials and layering $90 serums and creams on top of their face and going to erewhon 80 times a day to get probiotic water that does not exist. they are a project. and guess what? so am I! sometimes it's nice.
Jun 19, 2023
Related Recs
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Maybe it’s just my frontal lobe developing but I’ve been really simplifying the aesthetics of my life lately… no more dyed hair or heavy makeup… pared back outfits, plain nails and switching auto-caps back on…. Investing in the quality and durability of things/people in my life rather than the folly of aesthetic currency.
Theres something awesome about feeling like I’m enough as a person on the inside without trying so hard to reflect it on the outside. I don’t have to be the most interesting person in a room anymore! I can just be :)
Dec 9, 2024
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I wanted to do this on purpose. As a woman I feel a lot of pressure from all around me to be constantly aware of my appearance. I frequently wish to be able to exist without constantly concerning myself about my appearance. I don’t consider myself someone who cares a lot about this in the first place. I don’t really wear makeup, I dress casually, not because these things are bad, but because thats just not how I choose to represent myself. I value so many things about myself and I believe that my physical appearance should fall LAST in line of my values. I value myself for being a critical thinker. And with being a critical thinker, you have to question the rhetoric that you, yourself believe. Why is it that I want to care less about my appearance? Why is it that when I look in the mirror at my new choppy blunt bangs I feel the need to justify them, to say they’re edgy, cute, they’re dakota Johnson joan of arc “core”. Why is it that I worry that my mother will see this as me spiraling. Is it so bad to look not perfect?
Jun 22, 2025
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Honestly I feel like I’ve reached this stage in my life where overthinking has literally become a part of my personality. It seems to have taken over so much of who I could become and if I’m being fr, it’s not it lol.
I am actively trying to be nonchalant and, it has been helping me? like i feel so free lol. I just really want to be able to be my truest self without feeling so much, is that so much to ASK for🥹🙂↔️
Jun 5, 2025
Top Recs from @ayo
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so nice finishing something or having a friend finish something and then swapping that book. sharing things with your loved ones? making memories tactile? it's nice! (some that I've given or received that I've loved as of late: why fish don't exist - lulu miller, clarice lispector - an apprenticeship, how to do nothing - jenny odell, stay true - hua hsu)
Jun 19, 2023
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The world's tough place. There's lots of movies I want to see and because of the dumbest corporate reasons, lots of times they're unavailable or only available to buy on a streaming service. At that point I'd rather just get a blu-ray (s/o walmart dot com and the kino lorber sale...) but if I can't find one, or if it's $50, I'll straight up just see if it's avail to watch on youtube or through the internet archive and a lot of times it is. The quality might not be great, but that's okay. It's important to not get what you want sometimes in life. (Elaine May's A New Leaf, Scorsese's Kundun, Todd Solondz' Happiness, Akira Kuroswa's Dreams, Joseph L. Mankiewicz's Sleuth etc. etc.)
Jun 19, 2023
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right now as I'm writing this, new york is caked in a freaky orange smog and the world is proverbially "giving" "apocalypse vibes." it's hard not to feel an underlying sense of doom and dread lurking in everything, even the fun things (well the world is ending, so I might as well do what I want, etc. etc.). my whole thing as of late is that I'm sort of over that...I read Recapture the Rapture by Jamie Wheal recently which gets into a lot of these feelings (s/o the meta crisis) and one of his pitches for the start of a solution is something he calls "radical hope." I of course do not know if it will work but I think it's far more interesting than ironic detachment because you're actually not brave enough to care about anything
Jun 19, 2023