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And this will be where I sound batshit crazy, but here I go. Thereās a silly documentary on Youtube that really affected me, itās about Anna Breytenbach and her ability to communicate with animals. I know it sounds like bullshit but thereās something about her that makes me believe that she can. Iāve looked at other animal psychics and a lot of them feel like verbose scammers but I donāt have that feeling with Anna. Either way, it isnāt even about actually communicating (with words) but more about becoming quietly attuned to animals, which I do believe is possible and I try to do in my day to day. Itās my favorite little luxury, to be able to spend hours in silence chilling with my cats and understanding all their meows and subtle movements. To contemplate. This is connected to my religious practice of slowmaxxxxxxing, which is a very stupid new word for something Iāve done all my life and my mother would call āparsimoniaā, which is to transform regular tasks into delicate, precious rituals, doing everything very slowly and paying attention to detail, to silence. Thereās something very humbling about learning to do things the way animals want and not the way it feels good to me. I enjoy experiencing different planes of perception and this is a very good way to do it.
Oct 25, 2022
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This is (I think?) a form of meditation, but it's what I use to calm my mind, especially when I've woken up in the night and need to get back to sleep. I learned it from my favorite dance teacher who starts every class with this exercise. What you do is just tell yourself things, in sentence form, that are true about wherever you are right now. Majority of them should be sensory things. Like, "I feel my sweat pants on my leg." "I feel the heater blowing my hair." "I hear a car passing outside." "I see a gray sky." "I taste the apple pie I had for dessert." Just statements about what is true right now -- and this is the important part: WITHOUT COMMENTARY. Of course, because you have a human brain and this is what it is hard-wired to do, your will start supplying commentary anyway. So when that happens you just notice it, and absolutely don't judge it or anything, it's just another "fact of the moment" -- "that was commentary." You acknowledge the commentary and then go back to stating other (non-commentary) facts until the next bout of commentary, which you then acknowledge and move on from -- or until you fall asleep, which happens shockingly fast for me once I notice and move on from my first bout of commentary. Eventually you might feel like you've run out of facts so you can start saying the sentences over to yourself, with more space in them to take up more time, and somewhere in there, a sense of peace develops? A place where, just for a moment, thoughts get lulled into taking a break? I find that as soon as I notice that I'm in that peace, huge thoughts come FLOODING IN, and then I have to calmly and gently be like, "this is commentary. back to the facts." It's refreshing and it takes a very passive form of discipline, like, you should be as relaxed as possible -- lying on the floor or on a couch, not holding a single part of your body up, maybe eyes closed, total release, but not *total* because the thoughts do need to be guided -- not controlled, not judged, not even stopped. Just guided, like re-routing a little rivulet of water that's rolling down a hill.
Feb 11, 2024
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Iāve been tryna stay marveling. Seeing things with new eyes. It feeds gratitude, which is good for your skin and blood pressure and inflammation (purportedly). It also keeps me clear of pre-conceptions and limits external noise, as wonder allows me to process my experiences in a way that is present and contextualized by my own perspective. I feel like it was sooooo cooool for so long to romanticize cynicism but apathy is so passĆ© and minimizing the magic available to us is wasteful, and wastefulness is tacky. Shoshin in Zen Buddhism, that openness and perpetual student* type approach. *I never went to college but I follow Depths Of Wikipedia on Instagram.
Jul 7, 2022
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Jesus fuck. growing up a neurodivergent kid w wavering mental health, a wavering home life, in and out of therapy, etc, you always hear āhave you tried meditatingā
No Susan I never fucking thought of that thank you for the recommendation
Well finally at my big age, I took the leap to start practicing and Jesus fuck. Why was I avoiding this my whole life. I have been so resistant to it because itās intimidating, itās not instant gratification every time, and itās ā¦ well scary! What if I mess up. What you mean sitting still for ten or so mins and not thinking.
I have always been big into dreams. Iāve wrote down my dreams for as long as I can remember, have books upon books filled, and practice lucid dreaming. Itās kind of like that but without being asleep and without any anxiety inducing scenarios
Itās improved a lot of areas in my life in the two short months I have been practicing
Iām having fun
Mar 5, 2025
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Ahā¦. Trungpa Trungpa. I donāt follow any gurus, nor am I satisfied with any religion in particular, but for many years, Iāve been walking the tightrope between Catholic mysticism and Buddhism. Iām somewhat attracted to Chogyam Trungpa because heās intentionally bad and everyone in religious circles is always trying so hard to be seem good. Heās a bit of a charlatan but some of his ideas resonate with me, particularly for art making. He coined the term Crazy Wisdom which refers to unconventional, outrageous behavior linked to religious or spiritual pursuits. He was a womanizer who drank, took drugs, and often acted inappropriately to test everyone else around him. He also mocked his western followersā superficiality by making fun of the sari-wearing hippies that attended his lectures, to which he showed up dressing like a conservative british man (a bit of a Gilbert and George move) instead of the expected traditional Tibetan costume. The play on identities appeals to me. But that being said, I wouldnāt be able to tolerate his contrarianism without Ram Dass by his side providing me with comfort and soft spoken guidance. Great good cop/bad cop combination.
Oct 25, 2022
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My favorite waters are Evian (for casual occasions) and Kaiserwasser (for special occasions) but I recently discovered Sariza water and I was very pleasantly surprised, especially since I got it at the bodega downstairs. 776 Sariza is mineral spring water from the Greek springs of Sariza. According to the company: The water has healing properties, it was suggested that it cures kidney ailments and many other diseases. There is a sign next to the spring saying: āHi stranger, remember, whenever you return to your homeland, you owe your life to me.ā Canāt vouch for any of this but I sure like the taste. Thereās nothing more precise I can say about mineral water as of nowā¦ but I will be going to water sommelier school next year and Iām looking forward to describing why I like some waters over others in a more convincing manner very soon.
Oct 25, 2022
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Lord knows I love watching men doing their little silly manly things. As a big fan of Ifā¦ the 1968 film by Lindsay Anderson, you can imagine how I felt the first time I watched Feltham Sings, a Channel4 documentary/musical about a prison for male juveniles. This experiment in reality tv has the magic any format has in its early days and because of this, doesnāt feel as exploitative as your typical contemporary cookie cutter reality shows. Feltham Sings is as fresh and heartfelt as it sounds: Felthamās young offenders narrate the tragic stories that led them to prison and then sing a song about it in the style of their choice, from rap to jungle. Even the guards participate in some of the āmusic videosā. Thatās it. Itās sad and heartbreaking while subtly comical: the inevitable tenderness of these teens trying to sing, brings in a touch of amateurism that is reminiscent of another favorite of mine: Konkurs, a film by Milos Forman where a series of village girls compete in a singing contest filled with screeching voices, eccentric performances and really interesting 1960ās Czech hairstyles.
Oct 25, 2022