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Gardening makes life worth living! It has changed my entire outlook on life and success. I’ve felt before that if I work hard enough, I should be successful, but the reality of any creative endeavoris that it requires a significant level of luck and timing and so many factors that are out of our individual control. When planting a seed in the ground, there’s a good chance it can sprout and produce something edible, but there are also so many things along the way that can go wrong; just because you put a seed in the ground and water it, does not necessarily mean it will feed you. I like the idea of taking any entitlement out of the music making process, and instead feeling gratitude for wherever it leads me.
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Throughout my whole life, I had awful music teachers. I had a piano teacher that made me sit on my hands because he was frustrated with the way I played scales and a music teacher in primary/middle school that gave me so many anxiety attacks that my doctor finally gave me a note so I didn’t have to go anymore.
I was told so many times throughout my life that I had no music talent, discouraged from going further than scales but all of those people (teachers!!!!) were wrong. They just couldnt fathom that I had a different musical brain than them.
When I was 23, I ended up having to move back home from LA after my job rescinded their promise to sponsor me for a visa. I was depressed and heartbroken and lonely. I went to school for writing but didn’t want to write anymore so I ended up opening GarageBand on my iPad.
I was inspired by all the things I could do on it. I suddenly felt like I was entering a new world. After making a couple beats, I started moving everything over to the laptop version of GarageBand. I bought big headphones, a cheap usb mic and a keyboard off of a guy from Craigslist and continued to tinker. One of my favorite things to do at the time was to download karaoke midi tracks of popular songs I loved, import them into GarageBand and change the instrument until I felt like I was making something new. I would then use my shitty mic to wail on top of it.
I used GarageBand for years after that to make tons of songs that I just uploaded to SoundCloud without thinking about it much. Eventually I got a controller/sampler and access to Ableton and thats when the fun really started.
My love for music making snowballed after that, I amassed more gear and skill and eventually made an album after a couple years. I was obsessed with making it and while I feel really whatever about it now, I don’t feel whatever about the experience.
Music has allowed me space to express parts of me that there are no words for. The best thing I can impart is to take advantage of this. There are some things that you can only explain with a kick drum or a sine wave or a really hard bassline.
Music is still a huge part of me! I made another album after that first and now I’m working on my next project. I recently reincarnated myself (everyone in the ~industry~ advised against this but I’m a different person now) and I’m excited to see what’s in store for me. I don’t expect to make money or become famous but music feeds my soul in a way nothing else can.
Have fun!!
May 4, 2024
i was laying in my bed listening to music when it hit me how important music is to me. it’s a very good reason not to end my life, all the sounds that everyone has made and will make. i started to think of other reasons not to die; trees, flowers, the animals, nature, colors, forms, shapes, the visual world. i got out of bed, opened photoshop and spent the next hour designing this :)
Jan 15, 2025
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I’m still early on making music — but this is it:
I️ played like drums in middle school and then fell out of like “performing“ until adulthood when I️ decided to start DJ-ing. I️ loved that so much I️ was like I️ feel like I️ can make my own things like 6 months ago and I’ve just been making small shitty 2 minute things for myself every day.
For me it’s kinda meditative? Like usually no one hears the songs I am making (besides my partner) but it’s really just for me. No clue if any of them will ever reach a record or be on Spotify, but I️ feel like it’s making me greater appreciate music in general.
May 4, 2024
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Probably once or twice a month, maybe more in the winter months, I spiral enough to start searching for entirely new jobs that I have no experience in in new cities. These usually include farm work or something to do with being at a vineyard or anything that requires being outside. I think I find comfort in the idea that I really could always pick up and start a new life, even if I don’t want it - like the exit is always there.
Dec 21, 2023
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When is the last time you sat down outside and watched some bugs? They’re small and beautiful and make the world go round. Some of my favorite childhood memories include turning over rocks in the desert, looking for centipedes and scorpions with my dad. I highly recommend watching some bugs go about their day; bees and ants are especially enthralling.
Dec 21, 2023
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NOTHING in this world has brought me more comfort than a bean and cheese burrito, and I have been making the same bean and cheese burritos since 2006. The greatest at home bean and cheese burrito is made with Tortilla Land uncooked flour tortillas, whole pinto beans, extra sharp Tillamook cheddar, and chipotle tabasco. I don’t want to hear it about the cheddar cheese, there are no acceptable substitutes.
Dec 21, 2023