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my lawyer

some things are very simply about getting a bag well deserved. i was recommended jeremy l. hirsh, esq., by my friend alex tsebelis of no agency. if you can’t tell by my lawyer-centric tweets over the last month, i am very grateful for this connection. i’m not currently at liberty to disclose the circumstances of what we’re working on but all you need to know is when i told jeremy he slayed, he responded “i had no alternative.”

@sophia-vanderbilt

Jun 30, 2022

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filing a lawsuit

In this country, all men are made equal before The Court. The Court. What a beautiful idea. Where a nobility gathers. Where a competition is formalized, sanctified, & made into sport. To Serve someone, to Summon someone before The Court. Where man is Judged, and blinded goddess Justice reveals herself. If you look at me wrong, I will be pursuing legal action. You’ll be speaking with my lawyer. You’ll be speaking with my lawyer’s lawyer. I’m badly injured & and I’m wearing a neck brace right now as I type this. This is your fault. How are you going to make me whole again? I seek restitution. I seek retribution. BANG BANG BANG. The Judge has come to a decision. You’re going to Gaol for 5 MILLION YEARS. And I will be collecting a dollar a year in perpetuity, per annum, ad infinitum.

@steelyfan1998

May 12, 2024

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workplace abuse

job now wants to start charging me for hollandaise sauce, as if they haven’t already taken enough from me, looking for a lawyer

@alexiaforever

Dec 16, 2023

Top Recs from @kandysan

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Texas Hold ‘em

I mean, aren‘t we all just listening to the Beyoncé country song?

@kandysan

Feb 22, 2024