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why i do everything i do, and write everything i write. maybe if i say just say it perfectly, maybe if i can just be good.
Jan 24, 2024
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tryna change, tryna love
tryna create some good art and help others feel good from it
thats all i want man
Jun 14, 2024
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Sometimes in my mind I call myself a writer. And i ramble on for hours in notes all alone. I write and write like im pouring my soul into a cup for the worlds consumption. But after hours of writing i realise its just me sitting at the table sipping wistfully at that cup i thought i was pouring for others. And so it happens again and again and i write in ways that make me feel mighty and profound but in reality that might just be from the toxins my body creates in the process of constant regurgitation and consumption. So yes to put it plainly i would love to be part of this. I want to try share my cup and for people to either reject it or consume it. Even if no one drinks it at least there will be other people at the table beside me.
Feb 2, 2025
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-> is a quote from my journal that i wrote in a few long months ago. like with what i write, ever, i always expect whatever thoughts and feelings i express to amount to none or be something i cringe at. i don't want that to happen anymore, no matter how seen this account is.
-> i'll often confuse myself as to what being different means, because with black and white thinking it really is like turning an on and off switch. the changes come how i wanted them to be, and everything else different in me gets swept aside or doesn't change at all.
-> deep down, i know change needs to happen. in that same journal, i'd write off-hand phrases of "maybe some on-spirit growth can happen i don't know". i'd sweep my wishes away because they felt too grand for me to deserve or act upon.
-> right now, i'm good at acknowledging my issues and admitting to them, even if its to myself. i'm at a standstill of what to do about them, but i'm hoping to start thinking of it as practice. as a rehearsal, that being better is muscle memory. there's no switch to it and i guess i need to concurrently shape whatever i do.
-> but that's it, for something that i feel like would bring grand change to everything and everyone around me, it feels too little for such a large result. do these things really add up in scale? am i communicating this in legible words this time?
Jan 19, 2025
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is it better to speak or to die?
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who gaf.
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