Made this playlist for a dear friendo and sent it to him just days before he was killed in a way that felt so random and unfair.
I always admired him for his vulnerability in a world that's often criminally indifferent and doubly so when he came out and felt free at last.
Stay soft, fellow human 🤍
From an old Insta caption of his:
Feb 20, 2024
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I've written here before about Elliott.
I hesitate to call him "my friend" because we didn't really know each other all that well although I interviewed him yonks ago and our Portland social circles have definitely overlapped before and since. I own a few of his guitars now (courtesy of his ex girlfriend JJ Gonson who some of you have admired here because of her insanely great photography) and some original lyrics too. Maybe I should say I'm "steward" of these.
I would encourage you all -- if you're fans -- to watch my friend Nickolas Rossi's documentary "Heaven Adores You." You can rent or own it on YouTube (and I've linked the first few minutes here). A number of us who knew Elliott and felt pretty protective of him during his lifetime (and even MORE protective of his legacy after he'd passed, given the circumstances of his death) finally agreed to participate in it after turning everyone else away, for years, and somehow it walks the fine line of being candid about his struggles with depression and addiction without trafficking in salacious nonsense or gossip.
In the final analysis, Elliott knew no other trade but to put his very personal observations on display in a very public place. It is the space between that Elliott explored, and the tug-of-war between these sparring catalysts that he spent his life attempting to reconcile.
This is the memorial I wrote for him immediately after he passed. I was fucking devastated (then and now), mostly because I felt like it was an ephemeral passing moment, a shooting star that had briefly appeared above the Earth and was already gone. So it's an inherently selfish thing -- I mourn his passing mostly because I know that there will be no more Elliott Smith music, and that's just a huge loss for the world. I miss him on the reg but these days I understand why he is gone far better than I did at that moment, where all I could feel was just bottomless loss.
Much love to you Elliott, wherever you are. Thank you for the music, which meant so much to me. Still does.
Oct 22, 2024
Back in February, I lost my friend and coworker, Paul. He was the first person to pass that I had spent almost every day with for years. The ironic part was the morning i found out, I had just been thanking the universe that I never had to go through that pain. An hour later I found out he was gone.
Paul was very special, a one of a kind guy who built a life for himself through his love for art and music. He was an old school punk who was in a few bands back in the 90’s that helped shape the local music scene (Poo Poo Stick and Rotten Gramma). He started the tattoo shop I work at back in 2004 in the hopes of taking in good people who just needed a chance to show their skills. It’s been voted the best shop in the area by locals every year since ~2010. He loved Star Wars and Radiohead, loved doing my dumb skits for the shop’s social media, and had an affinity for butts unlike any other man I’ve ever met. In between tattoos, he would sit on the couch and we would just talk for hours. i still think I see him sometimes when I’m turning the corner when I come into the shop sometimes.
We just started cleaning out his tattoo station, and well.. it hasn’t been easy for any of us. Neither has having to tell people over the phone that he has passed away nearly weekly, and then having to continue on with my day like normal.
This afternoon was especially hard for me, so I figured I’d share the love with you folks so more of the world can know how cool this guy was.
Apr 10, 2025
Around early December, I looked out at the sunset, and I noticed that the sky was pink. Not just a hint of pink, like there normally is, but the sky was almost unnaturally pink. I've always been a "sunset fanatic," taking pictures of the sky at any and every chance I get, so I thought these pictures would be no different from the rest.
As I was editing these photos, I was reminded of a friend. He passed in late 2021, at just 15 years old. He meant the world to me, and his passing shook me to my core. Every time we talked, he would always share his love for the sky, more specifically, sunsets. Since he lived in AZ, he was always seeing colorful sunsets, and he shared them with me every time he saw one. One night in October, we were talking about the sky, and I had told him that I had never seen a pink sky like that here in IL, and that I wish I lived closer to him, so we could experience the beautiful sunsets together. He agreed, but we both knew that moving was unlikely, so he sent me a picture of the sunset, and he told me, "whenever you see a pink sky, think of me, okay?" He had never been super fond of the color pink, but he said that he loved seeing it in the sky.
About a month after this conversation, I found out that my friend took his own life. I was devastated. I refused to believe it. I would call him, hoping to relive one of our conversations again, knowing that he wouldn't pick up. I sent him pictures of the sky, knowing he'd never see them. I did everything in my power to pretend he was still here, knowing he wasn't coming back.
Fast forward 3 years, to this exact moment. I had been thinking about my friend earlier that week, and being reminded of him in super subtle ways. I wondered if there was going to be one of those "if you're here, give me a sign" type of moments. Lo and behold, I looked outside to see my first ever pink sunset. He must've known that I was thinking of him, and decided to show me that he was thinking about me too.
5d ago
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love treating my shelves like an indie bookstore! the owner has fantastic taste and everything’s free
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