The most challenging part of breakups for me is rebuilding the infrastructure of your own life. Reconnect with the things you used to do before you started dating someone—(they might feel different and you might find they no longer work the way they used to, this is normal and okay) and find new things that help re-light the curiosity of your own life. We know so much less than we *think we do about what we might like/who we are, and breakups offer the perfect time to collect a little pile of ways/things/friends that help you feel more in touch with what you love and who you are. Gonna feel uncomfortable and weird but that means it’s working. Sending you love ❤️
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take this lil romantic hiatus to invest in the other loved ones in your life. a lot of the pain from a breakup comes from losing the parts of your life that came with the other person - the places you would go, the habits you developed, the role emotionally they played in your life, etc. thing is you can find other folks in your life who can play those roles as well! if you have deep relationships in other areas of your life, the next breakup won't feel like losing a significant part of your life as much as losing one string of a spiderweb of people in your life. go invite friends out for 1 on 1 stuff, do things with big groups, find out what you can do in and of yourself to support yourself. it's easier to date and open yourself up to the risk of being hurt if the proportion of you that you're giving to this person up front isn't so big. you can give them more of the web over time as you grow together.
Apr 1, 2024
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Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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There is a lot of really good advice and input in the other responses, but I just wanted to let you know that about a year ago I broke up and stopped talking to the person I was dating for over 8 years. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know about myself. In that time I’ve picked up a few art classes, fitness classes, and some of those I hated. Every time I was sad that I wanted to do [insert any thing or activity] but I didn’t have someone to do it with, I would go do it alone.
This time last year was really hard. I had to drag my ass out of my apartment on long walks. podcasts were my best friends, because my real people friends would be busy some times and that’s okay! yeah I did watch all of love island. Alllll of it. I remember thinking “do I exist if I don’t have a person to tell xyz to??” Like yes girl ofc you do!!!!
Right now I feel like my life and my heart are so full And happy and Light!!! Putting myself first and finding out what I like has been amazing and I’m so excited to hear about how You’re doing with it all.
Jun 18, 2024
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Jan 21, 2024
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Adds delusions of grandeur and wealth to my otherwise mundane existence
Jan 21, 2024
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I started one back in 2013 where every year or so (in unpredictable increments) I prank this guy I used to make out with in high school. We don’t keep in touch at all—we only make contact whenever I remember I have to prank him. Invest in the long game and get paid dividends
Dec 15, 2023