I contemplate these questions often, I feel like one conclusion I have come to is learning to trust myself first. Obviously sometimes that means you could be wrong, but when you listen to yourself - in your heart & in your gut - it has the answers more often than not. Sometimes that takes going through new experiences and learning new things about yourself. Allowing it to look like whatever it needs to look like. Some say utilizing stillness will help, but for others it may be chaos that helps to gather the insight and wisdom you seek.
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Working on this is gonna be life changing for you, for real. Thereās two things going on here though:
The outer, which is your parents. Youāll have to learn how to set boundaries with them, which ideally are kind but firm. The pushier they are, the more firm you may have to be. It may be that you intentionally donāt involve them in things if you know they are not going to be able to respect that youāre an adult that makes his own decisions. Time will tell with that. The goal is for you to learn to trust yourself enough that you can hear them out, consider their opinion, and then make your own decision with that in mind. Which leads me to the Inner.
Our parents or caretakers voice becomes our own. I am going to assume that you have taken on their worry when making decisions. Even if you never spoke to them again, you would still have to do the work within yourself to learn to trust yourself and your instinct. Part of this is practicing. Learning how to calm yourself and regulate when youāre feeling that come up. You are going to make mistakes and make the wrong decision, but that is important in learning. You donāt have to be perfect. Practice discerning what is YOUR voice, and what is your parents voice. A therapist can be really helpful in guiding this process.
Overall, these are skills that you are both unlearning and learning. It will take time. If I can think of some books that may help, Iāll comment them.
Sep 14, 2024
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I think continually asking why you want something can help with this. When you do, you may realize the āitā you want is rooted in other people: how theyāll perceive you, if youāll be accepted by them, etc. The older Iāve gotten Iāve been better at untangling some of my desires from the ego and I think it has lead to better self-satisfaction of where I am at and where I am going. itās also allowed me to ālet goā of some dreams. Thatās sounds negative or sad but I donāt mean it so: sometimes you white-knuckle-grip an idea of yourself so hard that it destroys you! I think āletting goā doesnāt mean things wonāt happen, it means they donāt have to and that pressure alleviation can make all the difference.
Thatās not to say to never let the drive of the ego take overā¦Iām not sure we would create art/great things without it. I guess what Iām saying is that knowing the root of our desires is a key to balance and self-assuredness.
Feb 18, 2025
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i find that it's about knowing yourself and who you've always been, then taking that into the world, having new experiences and doing things, and eventually finding little bits of yourself out there in the world. it's easy to forget but hold onto what you love and you'll keep yourself, and if you keep yourself you'll know without question.
Feb 17, 2025
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lately I have been talking and talking and talking into my voice memos app, thinking about getting some empty tapes and a tape recorder and transferring my form of journaling into this form. my mind moves so fast, it is nice to clear my thoughts in that way :-)
Aug 29, 2024
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I started a radio show on a community radio station back in August. I have wanted to have a radio show for sooooo long. I am so happy I finally am doing it. The past few months I have had guests every week who are electronic musicians/DJs from western mass (where it is located) but also from all over. I am always looking for more people to come on the showš¤I love djing also it is so magical to me. I have learned so much and have gained confidence in myself.
Apr 6, 2024
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instead of texts. I feel like me and my friends who I do this with send each other a whole podcast to listen to throughout the day.
Apr 6, 2024