Writing of his experiences in Auschwitz, psychologist Viktor Frankl stated, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” This thought came to him after he nearly surrendered to despair and died by suicide. Right before the event, however, he remembered how much he loved his wife, and the thought carried him through his experiences until the time he could go home.
Jun 11, 2024

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Yeah I relate I think a lot of people can or at least I assume so because I also think it’s impossible to go through life and not see just how massive it is. How much we are forever to wonder about , apart from but humanity is obsessed with taming the world. I do think it’s strange to have the thoughts early, I was also about 9 or 8 when I really focused on death and how limited our time here is. What really got me was the suns death, the mention of all earth being consumed stuck in my head and I just couldn’t imagine there being a reason to live. No matter how acclaimed you are, how big your tomb, how long your name has been spoken you'll be consumed. I haven’t read Kant but I have read and discussed absurdism and that’s personally what gets me through. There is nothing written and the world is indifferent has become a mantra of comfort for me. I still struggle to accept some realities about death but with work I hope to get over it.
May 17, 2024
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The only one who knows you best is yourself, so give them a chance. You are the gladiator that rides your chariot into every battle, facing whatever awaits them. You return to your den from battle night after night, bloodied and battered from the wear and tear. When you find yourself shriveled in the darkest corners of your mind, do find this: ”My mind, it plays tricks; persists; so fickle it can’t pick -but, within me I must know, that one day I will glow, and rise above all I cannot fix”
Jan 8, 2025
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some evolutionary niche opened up around 300,000 years ago allowing a select group of primates to adapt larger brains in exchange for larger muscle mass and other such traits. it was an astounding success leading to that group of primates to become the most dominant species on the planet. but maybe it came with a price. a price larger than simply larger muscles or better smell. the brains became so advanced and computable that they were able to question their animalistic nature itself. the purpose of all life is that of a divine ring. the days pass in the same cycle as the seasons, such in the same cycle as the years. death and rebirth. that’s truly the meaning of life. to live, then die. in the primal sense of other living things, that’s simply the way of the world, there’s no need to question, as if the rest of the myriad creatures on earth have the capacity to question it. but our brains adapted past that. we developed a certain "post natural" mode of thought. somehow we pushed past the simple cycles of the universe. we have the innate drive of death and rebirth, looking to reproduce and spread. but we became to adept. we lost track of where to end. we fight wars over what we think is the meaning to it all. we harbour money and material wealth to spread influence over others. we created new meanings for ourselves. created goals and endings for when we’d be "complete". we conquered the world looking for one of those answers. those in power incessantly use their power to find their answer. those without try to keep up. we’ve searched and dug up every inch of the planet we were born on in search of our answer, and now, as we’ve desecrated our planet and realized our grand goal for an answer isn’t here, we’ve decided to look beyond our planet. maybe the next one will have our answer. and the next one. and the next one. and the next one. it’s always been the same cycle of desecration, disappointment, and moving on to the next one. the answer isn’t hidden among the stars, or under the ocean, or in the next country over, or in the harboring of trillions of dollars, or in the ultimate manifestation of power. it’s in the orginal cycle of death and rebirth. the experience of life granted to us through the seemingly divine gift of "consciousness". we are notably different from the myriad of earthly creatures, but not in a way that should matter. all that changed were some environmental conditions that allowed our primate ancestors to adapt larger brains. our purpose never shifted. our purpose on earth is to live and experience, then to die, allowing the circle to repeat. it’s no different from any other life form. 
Mar 3, 2025

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Stream of consciousness write for two reasons: it allows the subconscious, which has been working all night to provide solutions for your life in your sleep, to be heard; secondly, you’ll find that it’s probably the most honest you’ll be with yourself throughout the day.
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I‘ve never laughed so hard at a movie. The ending is particularly humorous. Based off of a novel by Percival Everett called Erasure. Well written. Well acted. And well done.
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For a basketball obsessed 12 year old, this was an amazing three hour watch. As a fairly naive, rural, Idaho kid, it really opened my eyes to some of the complexities of being a highly sought-after college basketball recruit while having to navigate inner city culture. There will probably never be another documentary like this one. Social media and AAU ball have changed the high school basketball landscape.
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