i might not know how i'd wanna spend the rest of my life, because i think i'd be okay to die at any moment knowing i've loved as much as i can, to myself and the people/surroundings that matter the most.
but the least i can offer you is this virtual hug ๐ซ
take care darling, spend some time in introspection. maybe you'll find something so so beautiful buried deep within you, as dark as it seems, in preparation for death.