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I just don't think all friends are forever. I used to think every friend was worth investing in and fighting for to keep around for as long as possible, but it's becoming clear to me that it isn't always the case. Sometimes life situations change, or personalities change, or even the things you had in common with someone changes, and suddenly it's not the same. And that's okay. Other times it's the realization of self-growth and improvement that shifts you from friendships. I had one friend that I used to love to...well, gossip with. And at some point that desire to gossip dissipated from my life (for obvious reasons) and that friendship didn't seem that attractive anymore since it wasn't what I wanted to do. I remember when we felt the drift happen, it was so awkward for a bit but I genuinely feel like whenever we connected it would just become...toxic. And it wasn't like they made me worse; we both made each other worse. The idea of 'I have to leave them, they are bringing me down' is BS - it's a two way street buddy. They made me want to gossip / I made them want to gossip. You have to own your part in it. IDK! I just think at 30, there are people I though I'd be close to today that I am not close to at all and although I might miss them, I fully understand that I'm better and healthier and more sane because of that distance. IDK. I'm caffeinated rn. And in my feels. And Bon Iver isn't making it better!!!
Sep 25, 2024
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Wholesome thoughts. People grow and move in different directions at different rates. My best friends are the ones where we can pick up after not seeing each other for years like it was yesterday‘s after work drink. I think it’s ok to have fleeting friendships that held meaning if it means at that point your spirits were mutually elevated.
The other day I had drinks with a friend I haven't seen in a while and I was shocked by the way it felt just like the first summer we met, like we hadn’t really changed in the intervening years.
Then I was talking to another friend from the same period & I realized that everytime we talk I feel like I’m meeting the newer, fresher, more informed version of her.
Both types of friendships are great and I love both of those pals, but at this point I’m trying to talk about our lives and not what we’ve watched in the last week. I really want to feel the character growth and it feels so intimate and rewarding to be let into that as it happens.
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I’ve had sprinkles of acquaintances and light friendships with people over the years that I sometimes feel bad about losing touch with. But sometimes it’s nearly impossible to keep in touch with everyone and still have time to care for yourself and your core people. I’ve tried to stop apologizing for that and just try to let people know I appreciate them from afar. I feel like the older I get the more intentional I have to be with my time and the more healthy boundaries I need to keep. It may disappoint some, but true friends get it, and there will always be an ebb and a flow as life changes. I also feel like social media has wired us to be so hyper-connected all the time and it’s stressful to live up to the expectation of staying in constant communication with everyone you’ve met and liked. Growing up is realizing you can like and enjoy the company of many people and you may not have the time or energy to extend to everyone you want. (And actually it’s also okay not to want to!) Not everything and every connection can stay the same and I need to constantly remind myself of that. I deserve to make space and time for myself so I can love my people better.
Mar 4, 2025
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I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships that for one reason or another ended up falling apart throughout my life. Some were my fault, some were theirs, and some a mix of both. Some have been redeemed, some are being restored as we speak, and some will never be mended or fixed. I think for many years I was so convinced that I needed to make amends with everyone, regardless of how things went. It felt like I had an obligation to swallow my pride and apologize, even if I wasn’t at fault. I spent so much time dismissing my own feelings in order to repair things with people that never really cared about my feelings in the first place. That was a majority of my early 20’s.
Looking back now at 30, it’s interesting to see how time has given me so much peace about letting certain relationships end and not feeling like I needed to revive them. It’s a strange acceptance that at some point, we must have been good friends for a reason, even if I can’t remember what that reason was and that I can remember the good moments and the laughter and the fun and the trips and the celebrations without focusing on the bad. It’s like the time has allowed me to forget exactly how bad the bad times were and it makes the good memories seem better than they were.
In my 20’s I would have either tried to fix everything for the sake of the good moments, or I would have stubbornly tried to forget them entirely because of the bad.
But it feels different now.
So much time has passed and I naturally find myself thinking of those people less frequently, but when I do think of them I remember them more fondly. And it’s okay for it to be just that. There’s no need for more, no need to reach out, no need to make things as they were. It’s an acceptance that some things do just end and that’s ok. I don’t have to focus on the bad, it’s okay to celebrate the good that existed if even just for a small amount of time. The laughter and the love and the companionship was real then, even if it doesn’t exist any longer.
Here’s to hoping all those people are doing well in life and finding success and love and building a life with someone and establishing their legacy. Here’s to hoping that good luck finds them from time to time. And here’s to hoping that when they remember me, hopefully they wish the same good fortune my way.
May 2, 2024
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People change people grow apart and that’s ok. As someone with a lack of emotions permanence it’s already hard for me to recognize that people care about me unless I’m reminded 25/8 and while I’ve worked on that and can now remind myself that people care for me; it’s somehow even harder for me to realize when that it’s ok if people are growing apart from me. It’s inevitable. People growing apart from you is not a personal failure sometimes it’s just HAPPENS. Schedules change, distance change, levels of concern change, and that’s ok.
I remember shortly after highschool ended a girl tried to poke fun at me for the fact that i “change” friends often (I have several 6+ year friendships but that’s besides the point LOL) but the truth is that I’ve always known when to let friends go and do their own thing. All of that is to say that life moves forward your circles change and you’re wasting time that you could be using to build stronger/new connections on things that have passed their course.
1d ago
Top Recs from @marianoleonczik
florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight.
In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
Jul 20, 2024
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I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup).
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.
Jun 15, 2024
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I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love.
I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed.
It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!
Sep 15, 2024