my extremely buttoned down parents were very preoccupied with the idea that I would end up uncouth and unladylike when I was 16 (it was the heyday of the demonic and cursed reality show ‘what not to wear’). They sent me to a local short course on ‘etiquette’ that spring in the hopes it would be the full blown makeover I so sorely needed. I blew it off and went and hung out at the skate park instead, where I ran into a chaotic red haired boy I vaguely knew through friends and we made out frantically at various landmarks for the next 3 days until the course was over and he ghosted me.
I stan my 16 year old self for being so wilfully disobedient and unwavering in her self-concept. I still have a bit of a thing for redheads
Oct 17, 2024
Related Recs
But I am kind of a goober with the most boring job on the planet just objectively speaking (luckily it gives me freedom to do other fun things in my spare time like writing and making stuff like a podcast and now YouTube gameplay videos).
You can see a recommended post below this one entitled Well to read about my prior career aspirations. Teen me would probably be disappointed but it’s okay.
I finally own a dog like I wanted. I have clear skin, boobs, and the ability to talk to people now which I never thought would happen. i live somewhere green and rainy instead of the sunny desert!
I did also get to fulfill my attention-seeking childhood dream of being on TV because I’m a hair model for a local salon owner and we did a spot on the morning news (lol). I have very nice hair in general all the time for this same reason which was something I always dreamed of as a reckless serial DIY hair cutter/colorer.
Editing to add that I also wanted to die tragically young of tuberculosis and fall in love in the sanatorium. or to be like Emily Dickinson and live by myself next to a cemetery writing to myself but feared having my imaginary future writing shared posthumously without my consent like Kafka. But look at me now I can’t stop posting so I think I failed at the whole mysterious hermit thing (though I am relatively solitary)
Oct 18, 2024
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I had a strict self-imposed morning routine starting in elementary school where I would set an alarm to wake up at 5:00 am, get up and go to the backyard where I would do circuits alternating between running laps, jumping rope, jumping jacks, push-ups, and crunches. Then I would sit and watch Pappyland, Golden Girls, and knitting shows until my dad made me breakfast and I would try to get to school very early just so that I could be there before other people were.
I wanted to be a standup comedian when I was four, then a news broadcaster, then an author, to name a few. I wrote a novella in fifth grade and shared it with everyone I could. I loved agility training my dog Holly. I was a voracious reader and checked out every book out in my school library to the point my school librarian started bringing me her own books from home that she thought I would be interested in.
I had approximately one million Barbie dolls and their associated accessories and I liked to make outfits for them and have them act out news broadcasts and murder mysteries. I would take roly polies from the dirt or crickets from the pet store and build habitats for them. I liked gardening with my dad, pulling weeds, propagating cuttings, and planting seeds. I loved going to the zoo and watching movies on TCM with my mom!
My dad is an artist and taught me the fundamentals of art and to use all kinds of different mediums, but my favorite was oil pastel. I enjoyed doing still lives the most. I liked to rearrange and decorate my bedroom—once I made a closet breakfast nook that I was really excited about; I called it Dorothea’s Cafe after my late grandmother and decorated it with her embroideries. I loved Nancy Drew games and other computer games. At night I would take bubble baths in the dark and play whale sounds in my Barbie car that had a built in CD player.
As I got older, I was in youth symphony orchestra (I played viola which is so me), choir, school musicals (wanted to be a Broadway star until I realized I couldn’t dance but also I kept getting cast as a boy), math club, and speech competitions (poetry readings and dramatic readings were my favorite). I liked to write original fiction and comics for my weird goth/emo/scene anime nerd friends to read. I did get into anime and manga at this time and I loved reading nonfiction to learn about as many things as I could.
In high school I gradually retreated into my shell after a series of traumatic experiences, one of which I’m writing about now, until basically I stopped doing all extracurriculars except for Japanese Club (lol). I just really loved my Japanese language teacher and wanted to spend more time with her :-) by that time I would just read classic tones and furiously scribble poetry and drawings by myself. I also liked to collage and do photography and I unfortunately became a Tumblr user. That’s about it…
Oct 18, 2024
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thank you to #her btw i hope she's doing well in life (fingers crossed she isnt here). but i had an intense crush on this girl from grade school until high school and the lengths i went through just for her to even notice me.... i wasn't even out then i was only out to a few of my friends. did i learn the drums just to be in the same club as her? yeah. do i regret doing all of that?? fuck no LOL
also there was a time during those years, they made up this dumb rule that students weren't allowed to hug or hold hands with eo like we were spreading some kind of gay agenda??
Jul 4, 2024
Top Recs from @murdonner
Nov 16, 2024
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I’m on the wrong side of 33 and i can tell you with utmost certainty that your 20s is the most chaotic time of your life and it’s amazing that anyone actually gets anything done during them. If you’re a type a planning type personality however I would recommend:
- if you’re the sort of person who cares about diet and fitness, establish those routines in your 20s
- live where you wanna live. Don’t live somewhere you hate because you think you’ll have more fun later cos you won’t
- get a job that makes reliable money that you can tolerate and go back to if your dreams fall through. It doesn’t have to be a dream job it just has to pay the rent and not make you sad
- don't smoke cigarettes
- use sunscreen
- be as cringe as you want. People expect it from you anyway. They won’t have as much patience in your 30s.
Nov 25, 2024
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Walking into a formal celebration and taking in everyone looking and smelling good. The smell always stays with me the most—cologne, soap, hair product, cigarettes, leather, shoe polish. Everyone so clean and proud and a little bit shy. So special.
Dec 7, 2024