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Last night me and my best friend sat in a freezing carpark, shivered, questioned, answered and listened until 1am. There were many moments when the conversation broke and could have ended, luls ripe for wrap ups and dead ends begging for goodbyes. But for some reason in the freezing cold we made a silent pact to see through whatever came. In that slow sad atmosphere a saftey crept around both of out bones that let us sit in silence, waiting for words if they wished to come. It was overwhelming and beautiful and when the spell broke we ran giggling around the parking lot until it was time to leave. Moments of safe uncomfortability are moments of beauty and I'm taking this as a lesson to sit in them when I can :)
Oct 19, 2024

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scrambling to find something, anything, to say to fill the air is out and learning to sit with yourself and embrace the intimacy of silence is in :p
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how special is it to have people in your life who you can exist with in silence.
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I think I’m obsessed with the way people talk after sex. The rawness of it, the unraveling. Not sex itself—no, sex is almost always… not what you think it’ll be. It’s not what movies promised or what your own mind built it up to be. It’s hands and limbs and sometimes good, sometimes okay, sometimes you’re just waiting for it to end. But, the moments after. It’s messy, but not in the way sex is messy. It’s messy in the way people are messy, when their guard drops and the words spill out in no particular order. The room smells like skin and warmth and whatever happened before, and somehow, this feels more intimate than the act itself. They’ll say something random, like how their mom used to burn toast every morning, or they’ll ask you about a scar you forgot you even had. They’ll let a sentence fall out that feels so tender, so unguarded, and you just know they didn’t mean to share it—but now it’s yours. And maybe you say something back, maybe you don’t. Maybe you’re just lying there wondering how you ended up in this moment with this person you thought you knew but didn’t, not really.
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You mean I get a warm yummy comfort drink without the horrors of caffeinated anxiety. Sign me up!
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Scooped cereal into my mouth and found an overwhelming presence of raisins. Scooped again to rectify the serial-raisin ratio. More raisins have thwarted me. If a mouth full of raisins is my fate then I will chew.