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I started going grey young. I first noticed when I was 21, under the harsh lights of my then-boyfriendās bathroom mirror. Cue the crisis. (me, practically shrieking: ādid you notice this? Why didnāt you tell me?!ā; him: āi thought it was cute!ā A sweet man.)
My hair is very dark brown and my skin is very pale and most of my life Iāve relied on this for aesthetic purposes without really thinking twice. now I had to confront the reality that this would be leaving me, possibly soon.
I had a couple years where I could manage the few hairs on their own, and contemplate the future. Did I want to start dyeing my hair? I thought of my own mother, who had to dye her own dark hair bi weekly or the roots would show, and who ultimately had to go from brown to red to blonde when she wanted to stop dyeing her hair altogether. I thought of my grandfather, who had a full head of gorgeous silver hair by the time he was 35. I bleached my hair blonde.
It was vanity to dwell on this, absolutely, but Iāve always been a bit vain. And im also under the influence of a society that values youth to an extraordinary degree, except when it doesnāt. I was working as a paralegal at the time, where I used my legal first name instead of the potentially diminutive or cutesy name I go by with my friends and family. Still, I had clients and opposing counsel question my knowledge. How much of this was because I was a young-looking young woman?
Outside of work, Desirability, too, played a part. i wish I could divest from it, but Iām also attached to it. I want attraction and desire to be reciprocated, and I also have intuited that they are a way to be Visible. how many times have I heard older women describe the bizarre feeling of turning invisible as they age? Whether they found it freeing or isolating, or a mix of both, it is an immense paradigm shift. I donāt want to fear it but I do.
Time passed. The hair bleach messed with my scalp. Covid hit and I grew my roots out, then dyed the whole thing brown. The last time Iāve dyed my hair. It continues to come in silver, and itās now noticeable at first or second glanceā not salt and pepper yet, but certainly on its way. I get comments on it, usually compliments, usually from people who arenāt men. A friend asked me if I had gotten highlights. my grandmother said neutrally, āyouāre letting your grey hair come in.ā
I worry about my skin, that vestige of youth that I havenāt had to confront just yet. Around me, many women I respect dye their hair, get botox, get lip filler, many donāt. I see other people out and about with grey or greying hair, and I am heartened by them, especially other women and femmes. letting our bodies do what our bodies are meant to do.
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beingĀ in my 20s and already having grey hairs was something that, funnily enough,Ā iĀ accepted with far better grace than everyone else around me. loadsĀ of people who catch a glimpse of them ask me ifĀ iĀ want them to pluck them out andĀ tell meĀ that i should dye my hair,Ā but whether it's genetic or just stress (probably the latter)ā iām quite fond of my grey hairs!Ā soĀ they shall stay on my head no matter what <3Ā
Jan 6, 2025
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bc iām thankful for aging but iāll be damned if it sneaks up on me š gonna face my mortality in REAL TIME tyvm
Mar 16, 2024
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I am a girl who changes her hair a lot. I hadnāt been that kind of girl though, but now I am. I think that mood, artistry and life itself really informs my perspective on my personal self image and perception of beauty, so Iām always looking to appear differently or uniquely, or as a somewhat different version of myself. Hair to me, is the biggest tool and canvas in how to change oneās appearance - even more so than makeup. In 2019 there was a point where I bleached literally my entire scalp and eyebrows (as a lot of people are now doing in this present day)ā¦ My hair was in twists, and so I looked like this character from a cartoon or anime in a majestic way. Yassified Super Saiyan! Iād still been a highschooler then, and that was the most free Iād ever felt with my image up to that point. To me, that was a real testament to the power of hair. From that point on my life became a pipeline from wigs to eventually protective hairstyles and I lived for every second of it. I still do!
Apr 10, 2023
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Jun 15, 2024
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Put on the robe, turn on adult swim or whatever, crank the ac, eat a late night snack in one bed and sleep in the other. The freedom of impersonal liminal space.
Oct 21, 2024
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hundreds of thousands of times over
The context may be different but no emotion is completely newā i can cope
Aug 1, 2024