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It's an interesting irony that with using a better iphone camera, I was afraid the better quality would magnify x100 my flaws like pores and skin imperfections. But your good features also show up even more clearly - even if your (muscle) memory is still trained from acne ridden years of family, and self-rejection.
And the other funny thing is that I was thinking, because I never felt like, you know, happy, happy, but it's not that kind of happy. It's more like before, if I could get better, more money, better health, look thinner, or look better, or get a better job, have someone, you know, you love, who loves you, that will make you happy. But actually it's not like that at all. It's like I had to go through these quite horrific mentally and emotionally wrecking years and thank God finally got rid of a terrible toxic narcassist, and I realized happiness is actually someone not stealing you from you, not poisoning you, your life, not dragging you into their chaos (but blaming you, telling you you are TOO this and not enough that!!) That's happiness. It's actually a strange revelation. I mean, it's not so strange after you realize it, but before and after, that's what people think it is, is happiness is not what we expect it to be. The middle is real shit though. And I still don't know what tomorrow will bring. But God.
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itâs a cliche for sure, but in recent years i have become a big believer in every event, good or bad, having some sort of purpose, whether it be a big or little one. i guess this helps me to stay content in the moment because it reminds me that, âhey! i know you might be upset about this thing right now, but itâll work out. you just have to let it.â i am a big time worrier, and i always want to control situations as much as i can, but i have found that if i just let them play out, theyâll go the way they were meant to. (and if itâs not in a good way, at least itâs a good story).
and, honestly, it helps me just remembering what a miracle it is to be alive at all; to have the blessing of living at the same time as the people i love; to feel the sun shine on my face in that very moment. we are so small in the grand scheme of things, but here we are!!! how wonderful is that!!!
itâs like in âviennaâ: âslow down, youâre doing fine, you canât be everything you wanna be before your time.â
Sep 24, 2024
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Maybe i have too high a tolerance for discomfort but something tells me thats not the worst thing. Whats so bad about slapping on a smile when it hurts. You go for a run you change your perspective and things are good until they arenât and you go and try to fix it again. about the journey right? maybe it is better to be honest with yourself i dont know. But this works sometimes for me believe in life and love try ur best etc. sorry to preach.
Jan 12, 2024
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Stop fucking stressing you are literally questioning yourself on a daily basis in order to improve yourself and be better than yesterday!
Do you know how many people do that ? Well not that much !
So stop thinking of yourself as ânot worthy â stop thinking that you are behind, yes you made some mistakes you made some bad decisions but look at you ! Looking everywhere for solutions, trying your best to be the best version of yourself, trying to have atleast a 10 year plan, being a mentor for your little sister so she could avoid every little mistake you made !
And even with all the bad things that happen you never stopped being good and you never wished bad for anyone, you always get happy and embrace your friends for their achievements! Now itâs your time to look at yours and celebrate yourself !
Jan 25, 2025
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Python!
Honestly very hard for me to get into - I have ZERO coding knowledge and nothing I could really latch onto - knowledge transfer is how I learn. But https://futurecoder.io/ is great (after lots of Redditing)
Aug 18, 2024
The puffin is the latest addition to more than 180 known speciesâmany of them sharks, corals, and other marine animalsâthat emit a luminous glow.
The fact that so many marine animals biofluoresce "tells us organisms are using light in ways we don't even see,"Â John Sparks, curator of fishes at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City.
Nov 16, 2024
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I read that happiness is when your expectations falls below the reality. A new mind project for April. Good prognosis.
Apr 7, 2024