Back in April I went to the PNW for 11 days solo! This trip pushed me and taught me so much about myself. I did a bunch of hiking even though before this I wouldn’t have called myself a hiker. Driving through remote areas with poor reception forced me to trust myself. I loved the solitude and nature and who I became on this trip. I also got 2 tattoos (my first!!) and worked through my fear of needles! I’m tougher than I think.
Dec 27, 2024
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i went on my first truly solo trip this weekend and it was a blast. i got a hotel in downtown pittsburgh and spent my time walking the city, stopping at cool shops i saw, finding local spots for food, going to a monster jam show at the arena, visiting museums and the botanical gardens. and wow! it was so nice to explore a new city completely on my own terms.
i’ve always been good at doing things alone (only child behavior) but for the past few months i have been the definition of crash out core, and i have just felt really lonely and pessimistic about life. i spur of the moment planned this trip for myself about a week ago because when i feel myself really slipping from reality it always seems the only thing that saves me is spontaneously doing something to feel like i have control over my life again. and boy! did i rediscover a piece of myself in pittsburgh.
life has its ebbs and flows for sure. but as i drift through my 20s, im trying my best to make sure i always feel secure in myself. i like being around me! as long as i have me (which is inevitable), i know i have the power to build a nice time for myself.
i fear i uncovered a piece of my heart in pittsburgh. a heart that shows myself way more grace than i have been lately. a heart that thinks i am a pretty awesome person who is worthy of pretty cool things and will cultivate it myself if i have to.
my solo weekend trip was great, and im very excited to do it more often
Feb 17, 2025
I went to bars by myself just to read and listen to the music. I learned recently that’s the freedom you gain when you go places alone.
I spend so much of my life unintentionally waiting for permission to do things. Waiting on someone else to want to do things with me. It’s sort of weird being an adult and being allowed to just go to another country because you feel like it. It’s a freedom that I’ve never been brave enough to explore before.
I wonder if this experience was a as weird and wonderful for anyone else as it was for me.
(img: sketch of a cathedral i went to on my solo trip)
Jan 18, 2025
Like many who came before me I also have been busy experiencing life™️ I went camping with like 25 other lesbians, had an entire no tech day(phone died) and it changed me fundamentally. I work in digital marketing during the week so the thought of my phone being completely inaccessible is beyond my imagination. Having now been able to just completely unplug made me realize how little work life balance I have and so i’ve been working hard to change that.
Outside of that, the camping trip also introduced me to a lot of new people I’m particularly excited to get to know. I felt like I was able to connect with several others for a wider variety of reasons than usual, tapping into even more niche interests to create bonds with new friends.
I’ve become tired of being on the grind 24/7 and having to crunch activities in between or before shifts. I told my boss at the restaurant that i’ll be cutting back, which hopefully means i’ll have a full day off once a week starting in September.
I still have plans to get a cat in the fall, aiming for October as a safe bet. Will be asking more cat related questions here soon!
I also learned some shit and keeping learning shit about my family that continues to age me at a more rapid pace than usual. There are the horrors, but we persist!
I also got a tat this weekend :) I posted it on instagram and a friend from college that I had lost touch with told me they got Haku in the same spot 🥲♥️
Anyway, missing all the PI-friends i’ve made and sending you all hugs, especially those who have been experiencing life too
Aug 13, 2024
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My grandparents owned an ice cream shop for 35 years. In the early days they sold sandwiches too, before moving to just ice cream. At one point when my dad was an adolescent, they actually lived above their shop. My grandma would dream up flavors and my grandpa would make them — he's lactose intolerant, he never really even reaped the one benefit of owning an ice cream shop. My grandparents, dad, aunt, great aunts and uncles, second cousins, and even my mom all worked fairs and festivals scooping ice cream. It was a family business, my grandma and grandpa were the core. They had to change locations twice. They "retired" at least once before actually retiring. This ice cream shop was an institution.
For me though it was the place where we would have Thanksgiving. Closed for the season, the shop was the only space big enough for all of us. I had birthday parties there as a baby. It was our first stop after a five hour drive across state lines to see family. That's the place where, at my grandpa's insistence, I wrote my initials into the wet cement he had laid down for a bike rack. They are still there.
When I was 16, I worked at the shop over the summer. You don't realize how tough it is. Decades of dipping had made my grandpa particular. I didn't have the wrist strength or the speed necessary when there were customers out the door, all of them hungry and agitated by the stifling heat. I was terrified of giving someone back the wrong amount of change. Becoming almost paralyzed by the responsibility of being behind the cash register — it was their livelihood after all. That was my grandma's responsibility. I was in charge of the milkshakes and malts. I decorated sundaes with hot fudge, wet walnuts, sprinkles, and cherries. I packed the shaved ice into paper cones and doused the evenly shaped mounds with syrup. I doled out the frozen lemonade into styrofoam cups. My hands became raw from all the cleaning. I'm now particular about hygiene in the kitchen and always tip.
My grandparents still own the building, renting it out to a dentist and coincidentally, an ice cream shop. It's so strange now to go there. Everything is entirely different while being exactly the same. They painted the chairs a different color, but they are still those heart-shaped wrought iron, poorly cushioned chairs I know from childhood. Some of the flavors have remained. But it's not the same. Maybe they're buying their heavy cream from a different supplier. Or the high schoolers who work behind the counter aren't as precise with the measurements. I can try, skipping the artisanal flavors for the ones I grew up eating, but it will never be the same as it was.
And that's alright. They're softer now, my grandparents; the anxieties and stress of those decades having melted away. These days, ice cream is just ice cream.
Dec 30, 2024
Jan 21, 2025
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“Love has never been a popular movement. And no one's ever wanted, really, to be free. The world is held together, really it is held together, by the love and the passion of a very few people. Otherwise, of course, you can despair. Walk down the street of any city, any afternoon, and look around you. What you've got to remember is what you're looking at is also you. Everyone you're looking at is also you. You could be that person. You could be that monster, you could be that cop. And you have to decide, in yourself, not to be.”
James Baldwin
Dec 24, 2024