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i’m realizing on this app i can’t quite answer some questions that need deep thought. yes, one can think of the answers to “what gives you medium enrichment?” or what ever can provide the small things, but answering for myself has been a whole different question. i’m seeing now that i’m used to memorizing, reciting, and while i understand (how) i do not understand why.
ask me about the great sheep panic, the gamma function, but ask me why i like fried chicken. what do i mean to myself! i can’t answer those! there’s average answers but none that outline me. i think that the illusion of using big words to non-open-ended questions and problems is clouding our self reflection. maybe it’s just me though and my lack of sociability that i don’t ask these enough to myself or get asked.
just a thought!
Jan 17, 2025
Related Recs
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adds necessary drama to your life. keeps you humble. questions like does everyone hate me? are they in love with me? am i being lied to? may arrise.
Feb 7, 2024
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I definitely towards the inward-turning-observer side, but I’ve found those observations never amount to anything if you don’t put them to use. You can gain all this understanding and certainty within yourself but if it’s limited to your own inner world that’s more or less within your control, then you’ll be stuck learning the same things over and over. Without action, a thought is just a thought.
Jan 27, 2025
Top Recs from @sebbspirit
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-there was a recent time where i met someone, someone very sweet and interesting. we talked and talked, and no matter how much i'd ever see them again, i was okay with myself. to me, they were an anomaly in the people i met, because they were that remarkable to me. i walked away from them fulfilled, as i repeated to myself in my head "even if i don't see them again i'll be okay".
-i've always held on to those kinds of experiences, minus the acceptance. that's what's new with this one.
-first it was holding on to the memories of people who i couldn't see anymore due to moving, then it was holding on to the things we did. in elementary, the people that befriended me had a binder and we'd draw and play characters all written in that one binder during recess.
-one of those friends, kaden, moved away in 6th grade without telling anyone. with how much i've moved state to state, i completely understand why he did that or why he couldn't do anything about it. i've thought about disappearing, without anyone looking or having to worry about me. but, me being the person i am i couldn't forget him.
-the last move i have to do is this year. it won't even be out of my control because of it's that of college. my house won't be *my house* and it won't retain the shape it wrapped me around with.
-i live in myself and i'm learning to stop disappearing from myself, because in the end that is impossible.
-so, when i met this said person recently, i acknowledged that i could miss this person forever, but also the hope to meet people like them that i could keep forever. that there are good people i can be good to
so, when i leave, i want to accept that *things can happen again*. don't know if this made much sense
Jan 24, 2025
i like gaining knowledge and checking their sources. on occasion i edit articles on wikipedia. right now, i’m obsessed with studying math on it. i usually always land on the page about quaternions. def don’t use wikipedia as your source of knowledge though, make sure to check citations and read yourself!!!
Jan 14, 2025
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- happy snowstorm to those experiencing it.
over time i’ve been quite used to my environment changing around me. i know with how much control i’ve exhibited that it hasn’t been a case of myself lacking control or my *will* being meaningless, but rather the way i wake up.
- in the past few months, i shut myself off in attempts to minimize whatever i was feeling. i’m still guilty of it but,
looking at pictures of myself before i turned out this way makes me see that even if i can’t see how my behavior’s changed, i can see the physical.
this is a very stupid and literal reference, but “changes” by david bowie goes as such:
/ Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
/
time will change us. no matter what, but our efforts will amount to something if we try imitating its grip!
facing it first, (grimly) succumbing to time could be what makes us change.
there’s times where my change isn’t my priority. i’m guilty of wondering how other people think of me now, when i will never be able to know such “hows”.
i get scared, terrified of how someone else may have changed, and like with how the physical changes are the most obvious, the aspect that sets in the most fear for me is seeing how people physically change. it’s an odd feeling.
you meet who you’re going to be in the future, in each fleeting moment, but once that isn’t in your control, and you’re facing what you can’t lie about, you can’t stop how your environment changes. people look different, their perceptions of you change. all you can do is think what you could do differently, or accept everything.
accept who you’re going to be and everything you’re not.
Jan 19, 2025