I have been dealing with this for almost a year. There were some events that I think kicked it off. Maybe worse since the pandemic started. But! What has been really helpful is understanding that anxiety is showing up in the body because the body does not feel safe. Anxiety is a message to the brain! And sometimes that mechanism gets all fked up and misfires. Doing somatic therapy with a therapist that I really like and think values my concerns has been helpful. I do body and environmental awareness exercises. These help me increase my sense of safety and trust of myself. It's gotten about 15% better since I started. I hope you feel relief soon. Shit is so hard.
Jan 23, 2025

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This morning I started to recognise the familiar symptoms of an anxiety attack, that usually leads me to be completely unable to function. I have my resources and I can handle them (anxiety/panic attacks), even if they cause me an immense amount of pain, both physically and emotionally. But there’s one thing I was never ever able to do, that people often told me would help: put on comfortable clothes and take a walk, go outside and breathe, get the fuck out of your room. I thought I would never been able to do that, never. “I am not strong enough, it may be good for others, but me? I’m weak, I cannot function, something bad might happen, my body is not my ally in these cases”. I guess I was wrong, and I’m so happy to admit I was wrong. I said to myself, when those symptoms arised this morning: “ok, breathe, it’s just the same familiar stuff you know very well. Now, you can deal with it, even if you’re scared. But this time, why don’t you try something different? For just one time, allow yourself to react by moving your body, try to show your mind that there are other ways to deal with this”. I was scared as fuck, but I did it. And I discovered another part of myself that I thought wasn’t there. My body, this time, wasn’t against me…and maybe it never was, the poor thing was just trying to adapt to the comfort zone that stillness represented. I am incredibly strong, so much more than what I thought. And if someone needs to hear this: YOU ARE TOO.
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my anxiety-induced wrist pain stands no chance against my subconscious. who knew you could heal chronic discomfort by facing your hardest emotions ??!
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My crazy anxiety comes from them, which I can now recognize and try to stop when it's happening. I'm not even trying to change them but I have the luxury of an ocean separating us.
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A cookie that's measurements are easy, but steps are attention-seeking. Browning the butter so much that you might burn it if you're not attentive. Cooling said browned butter. Thoughtful incorporation of dry and wet ingredients. Then a 24 hour wait time! Worth it and a way to trick the brain into getting a dopamine hit from patience. Look how good and patient I was! And then you are rewarded with a Very Good cookie. 100/100
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And that's okay, because there's a bin of arugula, some questionable pine nuts from last spring, good olive oil, a block of gruyere, and too many lemons. We've got a blender thingy. I've got taste buds. So why not? Turns out you can throw things into the blender thingy and you've got "free" pesto. Bless being culinarily competent.
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