- I am not the stepdad, I am the dad that stepped up
- Spilled milk cries over ME
- I am normal and well adjusted
- I will no longer be affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder
- I am proficient in the things I say I am
- Murphy’s Law doesn’t apply to me
- My friends know I’m joking about loving Shrek and that I’m doing it in a meta, ironic way
- I am not going to fall off™️