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I’ve lost distant family members, patients, friends, etc., but I’ve never lost someone so close to me. I cried over everything and nothing and wished to feel anything but emptiness and loss. I laughed over memories and smiled at the sunset over a lake. I flew to GA just to feel the emptiness in person. Yet…I can’t help but feel happiness for knowing her voice, her love, her joy, her kindness, her unrelenting stubbornness. For seeing where she made her mark and who/where she made it in. Grief is weird and I’ll never not feel that void, but I hope I can grow to live and be comfortable with it.
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My cousin died a few months ago and him passing was the first time I realized that life is so unpredictable and weird. I had just saw him for the first time in 6 years during christmas time. He was him, the same funny smart ass that made everyone in the room laugh. He talked about how he loved nature at length, We talked about heading up north and camping because he has never been to Northern California and I knew he would love it up there. I say all this to say that I never thought I would have to see my cousin pass before me. I thought we would get old, have some kids and see each other every few years and just laugh about how crazy we were as kids. I’m just so happy I had those 3 hours with him, seeing him go on and on about how he loved nature, watching him have hope for the future, loving life to the fullest. When I struggle to get through the minor inconveniences of life, I think about my cousins smile as he talked about nature. I think about how you should just love being alive and take it all in. How lucky I am to be one in a million. Life is very very strange, but bruh is it not beautiful.
Jun 18, 2024
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My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think you’ll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of ”closing” convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if you’re able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when I’m having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)💛
May 24, 2024
Top Recs from @jxnator
NOT a big non fiction reader but I will always pick up something that catches my eye (don’t judge a book by its cover, but also like sometimes do). Crying in H Mart - Michelle Zauner (Japanese Breakfast) made me ugly cry at work.
honorable mentions:
Mean Baby - Selma Blair
I’m Glad My Mom Died - Jeanette McCurdy
Tuesdays With Morrie - Mitch Albom
In the Dream House - Carmen Maria Machado
Down the Drain - Julia Fox
Cultish - Amanda Montell
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone - Lori Gottlieb
Flesh & Blood - N West Moss
Feb 20, 2025
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Finding a recycled appreciation for physical media again as someone who grew up in the early 00’s. I miss blockbuster! redbox (when it was good)! anybody remember GameFly? I still check out movies from the library, but especially with companies owning and having the ability to remove media from their platform at their greedy, corporate will - I’ve started buying my favorite movies, shows, and CDs again :)
Mar 4, 2025
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Dude what is up with the sudden uptick in Viagra/Cialis (boner pills) commercials on cable?? Also what are they doing to sell it for so cheap - what’s the catch??
Feb 17, 2025