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A cinematic performance of Pēteris Vasks’s Vox Amoris, Bach’s “Ich ruf zu dir”, and Arnold Schoenberg’s “Verklärte Nacht by the Australian Chamber Orchestra. Discovered it on Kanopy but can’t find the full thing anywhere else for free. They have Vox Amoris on YouTube (linked). Played it while making breakfast this morning. It deserved more of my attention but part of the total enjoyment was seeing which moments in the compositions caught me and pulled me out of my daily motions. It was my first time hearing Vox Amoris (a composition written for the violinist Richard Tognetti and ACO) and it moved me to wet wet tears while I scrambled my eggs. It had also been awhile since I listened to Verklärte Nacht / Transfigured Night in its entirety. Truthfully, for a while, the Spotify-ication of my brain rendered me unable to listen to a full album or composition and I would just skip to IV Sehr breit und langsam because it left a mark on me. Listening to it in full again, I almost felt ashamed that I had been circumventing the story, jumping to the chapter I liked, and limiting myself to being moved rather than transformed. It is, after all, about the redemptive power of love. We can’t be redeemed if we’re unwilling to become something new. “You have brought the glow into me, You have made me like a child myself.”
Feb 17, 2025

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Today, he came to give a talk in my composition forum. Super interesting person and a genius creative. His work explores a lot of a grey area between music and theater. This specific piece left an impression on me during his presentation. https://youtu.be/EV2lUyZj4XE?si=I1q6z7Sjb5w4yI2R
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Currently have three full pages in my notebook! I guess some might call this a gratitude journal LOL but it’s different when I do it.  My brother was telling me about this phenomenon called “target fixation”. It’s a panic reflex that happens when motorcyclists become fixated on a singular object, obstacle, hazard (e.g. a sharp curve on a winding road) and they will unconsciously steer in the direction of the thing they’re trying to avoid because their hands follow their gaze which leads to accidents.  You will follow your gaze so be aware of where you’re looking. Train yourself to seek out pleasure and appreciation! Understanding where + what you derive pleasure from increases your capacity to enjoy things which in turn makes you a more interesting person (imo). I think it’s just as important self-knowledge as understanding your triggers/trauma. It is a daily willingness to be transformed by small things. Sorry for lecturing but I want good things for all of you. Xoxo, meg
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