I think falling in love is a process of reconstructing your own life through forgiving and curious eyes and mutually reinforcing that curiosity and wonder with and through the other. Romance would then be the ways in which you view and behave in relationships. While falling in love can’t be forced, you can make romance a part of your life if you choose it. I hope not only that you do, but that you also find someone who will approach both your lives with wonder and intentionality.
Feb 20, 2025

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A pattern I have been noticing in recent years is many things in modern culture (especially the States) considered abstract, ethereal or emotional concepts are actually verbs. They are actions and behaviors we need to choose. Emotions well up from those choices. marianoleonczik illustrates this well with his rec. As does taterhole with her rec. Both zero in on this intentionality. Love is a choice. It is something you do. Even when you don't feel it. Romance is a choice. It is something you choose with someone. You cultivate it together.
Feb 18, 2025
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Oh I’m sorry, you thought romance was just a thing that happens? Without any effort or work? HA. That ^^^ tangent is aimed at people who think romance is a thing that just exists. It is very sarcastic ok. My wife and I started dating at 14, so 17 years ago now. We’ll be married 8 years this year. And we’ve had to choose + work to keep the romance alive. So many people end up in loveless marriages and we decided early on that we wouldn’t fall victim to that. We knew it wouldn’t be easy. How do you keep the romance alive while one of you is depressed? When you’re transitioning jobs? When you’re exhausted? Once you have a baby and life changes? Through parenthood and the challenges that come with it? I think for some people, those big events take a toll on them and the romance dies. But friend, let me tell you something — IT IS ON YOU TO KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE. Love gets a relationship going and sustains it but it’s on us to make sure we keep the romantic aspect of the dynamic going. Plan dates. Surprise each other. Make out A LOT. And make sure the other person also wants to do those things!!! You cannot self-fulfill romance in a two person dynamic all by yourself. I’m just (admittedly) tired of the phrase “Romance is dead” because romance itself doesn’t die, it’s that people (1) think it just happens magically or (2) when they realize it takes work, they don’t want to work for it to keep it going. “Oh but it was so romantic at first” — OF COURSE IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE EXCITED AND HAD BUTTERFLIES. Guess what! YOU CAN STILL BE EXCITED 17 YEARS IN AND STILL HAVE BUTTERFLIES! But you need to work for it. And you need to find someone who wants to work for it with you. Or you know, just don’t! But it’s so special and wonderful to see how something can last & be healthy & sustained when it is cared for intentionally. So maybe someone is reading this and thinking “BULLSHIT” well in 20 years I’ll be 51 and wife will be 50 and we’ll STILL BE MAKING OUT BECAUSE WE OPTED INTO THIS AND AGREED TO KEEP IT GOING. *** — I cannot overstate the importance of making out often.
Feb 18, 2025
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romantic gestures (grand or small, whatever you’re into) balanced with honesty, understanding, acceptance, patience, communication and trust. compromise is important too but within reason! you shouldn’t compromise to the point where you lose yourself or feel like you’re settling for the sake of love and the person you love shouldn’t want that either. also, a lot of people want to be in a relationship for the sake of company and companionship and fail to see the other as their own person. so have standards, even if that means you won’t be in a relationship right away. love means being able to be an individual and appreciated as such. love should not be your identity, your identity should be present in how you love. i don’t know i have a very practical but fantastical approach…maybe it’s my taurus venus. personally i fancy a little fun and humor as well. if i can’t be silly with my lover i don’t want it.
May 14, 2024

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