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yum yum yum!! eating fruit makes me so happy. it’s almost grounding, like i’m filling myself with the soil and earth it came from. no! i don’t want a lindor chocolate! no! i don’t want a tasty little treat that was concocted in a lab! i want a juicy little tangerine and a bowl of blueberries thank you very much. i think as the natural food we eat becomes more and more infused with the poison of man (be it through pesticides, processing, gmos, or mass production), the more i crave real connection through my food. give me fruit! good honest fruit, please!
Mar 4, 2025

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i am in love with my daughter who has not been born. i am obsessed with her despite the fact that she still lives inside my body and likely will for the next 10 years. i am eating an orange peel. i am consuming the bitterness i have born to prepare for sweetness where is all the sweetness at? does anybody want to share?
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nervous like a dog i lower my head as i come to greet you. i can only actualize through your likeness, through your touch. love me, mother earth, with the gentle hand you give offer your children. love me, please, somebody love me.  nervous, kind of like a dog, i kiss your face. i’ve never been nervous around anyone before, i just was always kind of just nervous around myself. but you but you that’s what i always say: but you, my favorite exception but you make me nervous. i don’t think it’s in a bad way, but rather in a natural way, like a human has ought to be nervous like a dog, cautious and slow, hesitant, but still excited to love, in order to survive. wound up but relaxed. scared but safe. anxious to give. i think that this is the right way to be. to be nervous, to be strung tight, but also to feel electric, to feel in the nerves. kiss my shoulder and i jolt, my back and i squirm, my, well my anything really, and i will lose focus. my electrochemistry, my feel of my own body, my understanding of who i am on a chemical level, is conducted by the girl i am in love with. bring me to life. please, oh please, let me live. breathe into me the words of old lovers and the grins of new faces. let me become divine through your touch. let me become.  to become a lover is to become something outside of yourself. i love vinyl and the soil, and so i will take this love inside of me from the outside world. i love stand up comedy, and so often i will tell a joke like people are watching. to love, and to internalize that love, is to be otherly: to become a mosaic. my body is almagate of record players and alligators and shitty punky bands and ottessa moshfegh novels and that is who i am.  to love is to be.  and i am scared i will never become you. not that i want to be you, but that i want to be like it is nothing but natural to want to become like what you desire, to find her in yourself and suddenly become relieved to be the girl you are, and yet, nervous, like a dog, i greet your towering presence, scared i am not like enough, but beaming with the joy of being loved by the only individual. 
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