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back to letting the love i have received and have given myself extend on for eternity within me because as humans we are capable of tending it like a garden with kindness and compassion and gratitude even through things like loss and change and heartbreak
go eat some grapes ya idiot
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i am always commended for my resilience and the strength/persistence of my love even after i experience awful things. i am always told the way i love unconditionally is unbelievable and beautiful and that the amount i sacrifice for the people i love is almost to a fault. i have heard "you are so loving and sweet... it makes me feel terrible" so many times in the last few weeks i can feel it burning into my skin.
it is finally time to start showing that love to myself and to the women/friends in my life. it is time to start offering to grab myself water or dinner when i feel i need it. it is time to start moving my schedule around to find time for myself and the humans in my life who respect my time. it is time to do myself tiny and huge favors alike in an attempt to show a fraction of how much i care. it is time to do my favorite things with myself and the people who have shown me respect. it is time for me
Feb 12, 2024
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lately i have been thinking about how the love i receive will never run as deep as the one i give out and the thought of it sends me spiraling but perhaps that's how it's supposed to be
Feb 5, 2024
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Sometimes I get caught up chasing ideals of love. Growing up with immigrant parents in the US, I wished my parents showed me love the way my friends' parents did. My parents seemed cold in comparison to the affection I saw my friends receiving. I fell for best friends who did love me but never enough and never in the ways I wanted them to.
Nowadays I have grown to appreciate the ways in which my parents do show me love -- when they ask if I've eaten or when I dye my mom's hair as she peels me oranges. Friendship to me no longer needs to be tied up in such rigid binaries. It's not the label of a relationship I'm after but rather just the intimacy of knowing other people. I try not to focus so much on how I wish to be loved by other people and instead pay attention to all the different ways I am loved. Acting with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. And in that way, everything feels enough.
Disclaimer: Establishing boundaries is paramount. Love that is corrosive or manipulative is not love.
Feb 1, 2024
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in my opinion a strong contender for the most beautiful place in the usa. it feels like home to me and i cannot wait to be there again. hope you can make it there someday :)
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you have to remember that as urgently as you search for your family, they too search for you
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