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Especially when someone forces you to go on a crazy one that extends past the earths barrier and brings you on 10 loop do loops. It’s not even about a fear of heights, it’s just never that fun for some people!! The adrenaline makes me feel like I’m on the verge of death. Not to mention the waiting in line with fear grumbling in ur chest while ur friends r excited for the rollercoaster. It’s never worth it. NO I do not want to go on that rollercoaster.
Mar 11, 2025

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Feeling scared. I’m scared of Whole Foods. I’m scared of claustrophobia and of wide open spaces. I’m scared of kneeling on the floor, scared of bleeding and of bruises. I’m scared of research and of door latches and locksmiths and their drills. I’m scared of all the days of the week except for Thursday. At least I used to be before Thursday came and smiled and showed me her claws too. I’m scared of islands and of mountains and of soft sand beaches. I’m scared of trails and of highways and homesteads and high rises. I’m scared of plastic and of metal and shoepolish and crayola tempura paint. I’m scared of sugar and of lemons and plates that spark in the microwave. We used to eat off of Elvis’s face, serve salad on The Kiss, used to kiss on the couch but I’m scared of that too now. I’m scared of factories and farms, greenhouses and your little fire escape. Scared of pencils and switchblades and feather boas, feather dusters. I never knew I was allergic to dust until a week ago when they took my blood and spun it twelve times fast.
Feb 4, 2025
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gonna be extra real on here ! i have severe, debilitating emetophobia. like the kind that renders you agoraphobic. I've been an emetophobe since i was little but it's never been this bad before. i have panic attacks daily, I'm constantly exhausted and eating, sleeping, and going outside is becoming harder and harder as the days pass me by. do not be alarmed though, I'm in therapy and I'm on luvox although i wouldn't say the latter is working much. i went to knotts berry farm yesterday ! it was supposed to be a milestone in exposure, a really good one since lots of people filter in and out of the park every day. i ended up going on two rides, eating one churro, washing my hands thrice and kind of just calling it a day. plus it was super cold so it was just all just kind of a bummer. i decided to end the day on a good note and snag some peanuts merch (as u can see from my pfp, i am a HUGE woodstock fan), so i bought a Woodstock figurine and small plushie. best part of my day honestly, I'm glad i did that for myself. it is now the morning after and I'm sitting here just really nervous and panicky because I can't stop thinking about the possible illnesses i could have picked up at the park. i know I'll be ok no matter what ends up happening, and i have plans with my friend in about an hour so i'm still challenging myself and my instincts to hide. i just wanted to put it out into the world. emetophobia is shackling and limiting for a lot of people, and i also want people to know that they CAN do difficult things in the midst of it. my phobia and ocd has held me back in many situations but i don't want it to keep me from doing what i love. even though that knotts trip kind of sucked, the world didn't end and a day later i'm sitting here next to my super cute woodstock plushie. also that churro i got at the park was the best churro I've ever had !!! if u ever go to knotts u NEED to get a fresh churro they're so freaking good. you can do hard things. even if it sucks, that one experience doesn't have to control you. these are basically self-affirmations lmao. gonna go get brunch now with my friend bye bye !
Mar 27, 2025

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prime music for studying or lazing around in the sun and photosynthesising my favs r plantasia and rhapsody in green
May 16, 2025