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Some days I can feel the craving of release, the soft whisper of an old "friend" beckoning me for just one more. Maybe on a thigh, perhaps the abdomen, but never in clear sight. All these places oozing with insecurities, making me think that if I would make one single incision all of these emotions will finally get cut loose.

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I have a recurring memory that I would like to relive 1000 times because it was possibly the only moment I felt completely content. This memory was when I was lying on my bed in complete darkness, drinking copious amounts of Benilyn, listening to the old Blade Runner soundtrack with my best friend and sister. It’s a fond but slightly destructive desire: lonely and connected at the same time.
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as i once did, back when only i mattered to me
Feb 7, 2024

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