Related Recs

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many thoughts - maybe no answers

Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there. Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool. Other thoughts: - Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.) - I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time! - The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups. I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.

@chlonline

Mar 16, 2024

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Meeting people

I’ve met friends through a book club, a mutual aid group, a film discussion class, improv classes (silly but made lifelong friends!), queer craft meetups…but honestly I had the most luck with BumbleBFF & other apps bc it eliminates the awkward part of not being sure if the people at the event wanna hang out outside of it or not.

@lobster

Jul 23, 2024

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Continuity

First off, ditch the misogynistic crowd like the plague (I’m sure you already know this!). Secondly, every pre-existing friendship group feels out of reach until you become part of it. People naturally will gravitate towards people they’ve known longer and are close with. The only way to become more part of a group is to be with them more. This is true of any friendship or friendship group. The more you show up to it, the more it becomes a solid friendship. When you find a person or a group you get on with, keep meeting up with them. Don’t be embarrassed to ask, everyone was new once! And sometimes you don’t even have to ask, if there’s a specific event they always attend, become a regular, just hang out! Friendship doesn’t just happen like we often think it does, it requires being in the same places, and putting in the same effort repeatedly. friendship seemed easier at school, but that’s because you were in the same place with the same people everyday. Obviously keep an eye out for people or groups who are clearly just not wanting to reciprocate that energy and look for people who are open to it! I struggle with this too, especially as someone who can’t get out all the time, but my most recent example is my friend Ant runs a little acoustic night every wednesday, so I’m starting to go every Wednesday to talk to him behind the bar, and to be around our mutual friends who arent necessarily my friends yet but become more so everything I’m there. royallmonarch has a great rec about community when trying to make a city a home that I’ll try to share in the comments cause it wont seem to let me do it here!

@mouse

Apr 7, 2024

1

Top Recs from @zack-bia

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Picking up a hobby you loved as a kid

As I get older I get more self aware. I try to understand what I really like and what to make time for. If there’s something you loved and then strayed away from because you made new friends or moved to a new place, find time to pick whatever that is back up. Go dust off the old guitar and look up youtube tutorials and get back into it. Btw this actually leads me into my next rec…

@zack-bia

Apr 24, 2023

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Overspending on furniture (or things you like)

I am not saying over pay like getting ripped off. I am saying overspend like actually just buy the items you want, buy that couch ( and not the knockoff) but the one you actually wanted. You work hard, you should reward yourself and having nice things is fun. Tracking a record player down or a specific chair and then finally acquiring it and putting it in your house is part of making your house a home.

@zack-bia

Apr 24, 2023

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Playing Chess

I think probably the most brilliant game. To me playing chess is sort of a return to my childhood. I randomly had the thought about 6 months ago like “why don’t i just start to play chess again?” and I am happy I did.  also didn’t realize how many dear friends of mines were also chess fanatics until I started playing more… I think when you just really dive into little things you enjoy you get rewarded for it. Chess is awesome and it works your brain.

@zack-bia

Apr 24, 2023