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Crashing out on here instead of instagram

TW: weight n overeating mentions Sorry everyone!! I guess I am on a streak of being a debbie downer rn. It just kind of feels like the walls are caving in on me but doesn't everyone feel like that????? I am just feeling super crazy and over-reactive recently. Here is the run down of my situation right now: I am nineteen years old, currently on winter break for community college, I live with family, I'm still working on my license. I just have feel so trapped recently, most likely because I don't have my license (fml). I haven't seen most of my friends in a month (which feels very weird, not blaming anyone for this. people get busy & tired, I understand.) Living with family sucks! but it's weird, my parents support me financially and i know they care for me but I think I am just too emotional for the people I live with. I kind of learned to not really speak about emotional matters, not in like a, my parents were abusive kind of way, but I could just tell that wasn't really what my parents were there for. I sought out emotional connections with friends and stuff but I have been kind of going through a weird period right now where I am trying to not rely on them so much and regulate by myself i guess? idk. ANYWAYS, LETS GET DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY! What is the reasoning of my crashout? wellllll, my mother has been becoming increasingly critical of my looks again. I've always had a skin-picking and overeating problem. The result of this? so. many. facial scars. and also being extremely overweight for how ever long I could remember. (from the handful of times I've been to therapy, I was told these are probably compulsions to sooth anxiety? idk. I need to go to more sessions). Over the years, I have learned to accept myself and how I look. Through this acceptance, I have also been working on these issues. Unfortunately, my mom hasn't accepted this part of me. My mom and I have been spending a loootttttt of time together recently because she's teaching me how to drive and I have just been home alone with her more. I've come to a realization that looks mean a lot to her, (it's not her fault honestly, Filipino beauty standards are unfortunately super brutal). So, throughout my life, shes always had me drinking weird supplements and trying different gimicky products to either lighten my skin or have me shed a couple pounds, surprisingly, none of them ever worked! We've had our fair share of fights about my appearances and whatnot, it stopped affecting me. Buttt, like I said before, I'm in this weird period of my life right now where I am trying to heal and whatever and be at least a little self sufficient (this is every nineteen year old girl of me, I know). So I'm doing my skincare daily now, trying to eat my fruits and veggies, do chores, move my body, the whole shebang if you will. but old habits die hard, and from time to time I'm caught picking at my skin, or holy shit why am i changing what i eat???? and yeah. Family is nice till they tease you about how you're trying to change for good and for some reason it is FUCKING EMBARRASSING! My mom asked me when I was gonna lose weight the other day. It was so random and out of the blue that it caught me completely off guard and really fucking got to me. After she said that I got quiet, and she said "It's okay. I don't care anyways." But like why the fuck would you say that??? She knows I've had a past with my weight and my eating habits. Like why the fuck would you say that to me?? I cried for hours that night. I even cried about it the days after. Then today, I was out with my sister and we were getting takeout for dinner tonight, I called my mom to see what she wanted, she told me what she wanted but she doesn't know the name of it so i got her a completely different thing. and she was like "i'll just cook something its okay. you'll eat it later" and I told her no, I just ate dinner I am not eating anything else tonight, and she just went "Ohh really? Ok good. You're trying to get skinny. That's good." GOD. FUCKING. DAMN IT!!!! My sister tried to tell her off "Mommmm, don't say that." but she just kept going, "What? Why not? How is that bad. Why is it bad she's trying to lose weight." I kind of shut down and started putting stuff away. I threw out the trash and just couldn't stop crying outside so I just stormed off into my room because the waterworks were unfortunately starting for the night. It was made worse by the fact that I could hear her talking to my sister about me. I know it's for the better that I am not so emotionally cold anymore but god, I just wish I could tough out the comments still. But that's the end of this post, I'll post something less edgy and less sad soon I promise!!!!!

@souponaroof

Jan 9, 2025

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this may not be the advice you want to hear

but I fear that maybe you should not be trying to lose weight as a goal itself. Maybe you could shift your goal instead to something achievable and concrete that will help set healthy habits but won’t leave you dwelling on your weight? I like trying to be strong enough to do a thing I presently cannot do. (I can do push ups now, baybeee!!) I have been working on healing my relationship to food and my body for over 10 years now and I still cannot healthily set a weight loss goal. My strategy is to literally never think about my weight, eat whatever I want, move my body every day, and cook at home often. I’m stronger, happier, and healthier than I have ever been in my life and all I have sacrificed is a little negative self talk (n I don’t miss her at all). Godspeed, good luck, wishing you health and happiness and wholeness !!!

@cilantro

Jul 10, 2024

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Body food

A friend of mine took a pic of me at a dead show at the gorge last summer and i was wild out of control.  I needed to get my act together.I started eating right…not dieting…just making smarter decisions.I got back to the gym.I walk my dog three and a half miles a day wearing a weighted rucksack.Changed my life.I feel so much better and what it does to calm my mind is invaluable.

@aaron-levine

Jun 13, 2024

Top Recs from @megprincess

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MIDTOWN/HELLS KITCHEN

EVERYONE IN NEW YORK LIKES TO SHIT ON MIDTOWN. I THINKS THERES THIS IDEA THAT HATING ON MIDTOWN MAKES YOU A REAL NEW YORKER BUT THESE DAYS ITS ACTUALLY MEGA HIPSTER TO LOVE MIDTOWN AND CALL IT UNDERRATED. SPECIFICALLY WEST MIDTOWN. NOT LIKE FUCKING MURRAY HILL. IN PROXIMITY TO HELLS KITCHEN IS THE BEST, HELLS KITCHEN HAS THE BEST SALVATION ARMY IN AN OLD DIRTY BUILDING WITH GREAT FURNITURE AND TONS OF ACTUALLY THRIFT PRICED CLOTHING AND ITS CONFUSING TO GET INTO THE BUILDING AND ITS RIGHT BY THAT FREEDOM TUNNEL GRAFFITI WRITERS LOVE. MIDTOWN AND HELLS KITCHEN HAS SOME OF THE LAST CRUSTY WEIRDO OLD PEEPS THAT MAKE THE CITY FAB, LIKE PEEPS THAT MUTTER TO THEMSELVES AND HAVE WEIRD OUTFITS AND CLEARLY HAVE HAD THE SAME RENT CONTROL APARTMENTS FOR LIKE A BILLION YEARS AND KNOW EVERYONE ON THEIR BLOCK AND STORIES ABOUT THE “OLD NEW YORK” AND GET THE CITY MYTHOLOGY THAT WE ALL ARE SUCKERS FOR!!!!!!

@megprincess

Feb 8, 2023

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MEDITATION

MEDITATION IS MEGA NAMASTE AND WORKS WONDERS. WHAT STARTED AS A BIT OF A CHEEKY OBSESSION WITH ALL THINGS SPIRITUAL HAS REALLY HELPED MY MIND. PLUS I READ COURTNEY LOVE CHANTS FOR HOURS LIKE EVERY EFFING DAY FOR SOBRIETY. I WISH I COULD HAVE A SHAMAN OR A GURU IN MY PERSONAL ENTOURAGE BUT FOR NOW I STICK WITH GUIDED MEDITATION WITH A THERAPIST OR ONE OF THOSE LAME APPS. OR DMT. MEDITATING  REALLY EFFING SOOTHES LE RACING THOUGHTS FOR REAL. PRAYER BEADS ADD A STYLISH MINDFULNESS. I ALWAYS GOT MINE AT THAT TIBET STORE ON 2ND AVE WITH THE HOT CRUST PUNKS/ OOGLES OUTSIDE OF IT….BUT SADLY IT HAS CLOSED.

@megprincess

Feb 8, 2023

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HAPPENINGS, LE BEAT CHIC

ABOUT A YEAR AGO WHEN I REALIZED I WAS A WRITER I BECAME OBSESSED WITH ALL THINGS BEATNIK, BEAT-CHIC, AND BOHEMIAN. ITS THE BEST WRITER CLICHE EVER. CLICHES ARE A GREAT THING, ESPECIALLY IN NEW YORK EFFING CITY. A FEW MONTHS AGO I HAD A HAPPENING, IN HONOR OF LE GREAT BEAT WRITERS AND PARTIERS. I WAS MOSTLY BLACKED OUT ON PILLS THE ENTIRE TIME, BUT THATS LE VIBE OF A HAPPENING. TYPICAL READINGS ARE BORING AND BASICALLY AN UN-CHIC ABOMINATION. A HAPPENING IS VINTAGE, MESSY, A BIG MIX OF PARTY ENERGY WITH A SALON FLAIR. WE HAD BONGO DRUMS, FOLK MUSIC, SHITTY POEMS, ARTSY PERFORMANCES. IT WAS A TOTAL SHIT SHOW BUT ALSO PEACEFUL AND FAB. I SCREAMED A BUTCHERED VERSION OF HOWL, OBVIOUSLY. IF I GET IT TOGETHER ENOUGH I'LL HAVE ANOTHER IF THERE AREN'T TOO MANY KNOCK OFFS BY THEN. YOU SHOULD ALL COME AND READ OR PLAY THE TAMBOURINE OR WHATEVER. MAKE SURE TO DRESS LIKE BOB DYLAN OR PATTI SMITH OR A DOWNTOWN CLICHE.

@megprincess

Feb 8, 2023