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Just met Woody Allen IRL and saved his life. There was a big scary spider about to bite into him. Luckily I was there to stop anything bad from happening. The spider was huge. Almost as big as the spider from the lord of the rings movies or other movies about big spiders. Soon-Yi was also there. She says hello and that she was moved by my act of selfless bravery.
Dec 27, 2023
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I was in bed the other night and saw a really big spider and that got me out of bed really quickly.
May 9, 2024
His name is NewBeanMeister22. 8 or so years back, when I was in college, I found out about his insane youtube channel.
Basically, the lore is this: he started as a weird but normal toy review channel with his wife, but that all changed when he got a package from ebay that contained a black widow spider that had just laid eggs. Supposedly the spiders scurried into his crawlspace and infested it, and soon spread to the rest of his house, meaning he had to quarantine his dog and kids away from the spread.
He was desperate to be rid of the black widows, but too stubborn to hire a professional, so he started capturing other bugs from his backyard and releasing them into his house in hopes that they would kill the black widows. To mixed results. He filmed all of this and continued to release toy reviews and travel videos even as black widows overtook his house.
He got caught in drama a few years ago when he was accused of reusing old footage to fake the infestation despite having gotten rid of the spiders. So now he fessed up that they have been taken care of, yet harnesses his love of insects (and the fact that most of his viewers came to his channel to gawk at his black widow infestation) to maintain an extensive cast of pet spiders and mantises. A legend in my eyes, and a saga me and my roommate watched unfold in real time.
Jan 18, 2025
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during a fire drill in first grade, a jumping spider bit me. i wasn’t doing a thing to him and i think what upsets me most is that he couldn’t assess my vibes to know i wasn’t a threat. i had a really mean teacher and i tried to tell her, but she angrily shushed me, as we weren’t allowed to speak during fire drills. i accepted my fate and figured she would be sorry later.
i remember wistfully staring out the window as my mom drove me home, coming to terms with the end of my life. i didn’t tell her, for fear of worrying her. i peacefully ate my final dinner when i got home (velveeta mac and cheese, which i hated then and i still do now. but again, i didn’t want to complain as my mom would have a bigger issue at hand when she went to go wake me up in the morning.)
i went to bed without a fuss. said goodbye to my then two year old sister, took a look around my room and gave a sigh. this was it. and i went to bed knowing i had lived a long, good six years of life.
well, dear reader, i am here writing this 20
years later. so rest assured, i did survive. but i think my rational (?) thought in that moment helped me work through a lot of existential stuff at an early age. so i guess that’s cool.
Jul 4, 2024
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Jan 5, 2024
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it's like a river flowing in the opposite of the culture. it's very important to participate in the counterculture and participate in public because the culture is a toilet but the counterculture is pure and true. anything can be the counterculture if it's countercultural. i believe the fast casual bowl restaurant to be one of our greatest countercultural institutions today simply for the fact that so many of our countercultural warriors are eating fast casual grain or salad bowls in order to fuel up for their day jobs.
Dec 19, 2023