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There is something ugly and small about winter that I like. Perhaps because I was born into it. And there’s a stillness too. I feel it most when I’m back home in Nebraska leaving the bar at 2 a.m., warmed by old friends and tiny drinks. I walk to the car, snow crunching underfoot and, as soon as I’m alone, I stop. I stop and listen. I love that moment of quiet, blue desolation.
I do not handle the cold well. I am quick to shiver and my long johns don’t come off once they go on. So these moments of serenity are strange and precious. Something deep inside me quietly overpowers the elements and I feel some kind of inner peace. For this reason, I once made an igloo in our backyard and then laid inside for hours trying to fall asleep inside that feeling.
Winter birthdays are a challenge. What is there to do? This year I decided to lean in and seek snow since that’s become something of a novelty in New York. $500 and 120 miles later I had my squall. When I returned to the city for my actual birthday, it finally snowed, marking New York's first significant snowfall in 701 days. It was the perfect gift.
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every year I dread this season but wind up finding joy and feeling energized by embracing the snow and cold. A few years ago I visited Lake Placid NY, a town that revolves around winter sports (and still has these amazing relics standing from the 1980 Winter Olympics). skiing, ice skating, sledding, hiking in the snow, or layering up and going on walks help get through the shorter and darker days. It’s kind of amazing that rain turns into layers and layers of pure white, dampening sound and temporarily covering all the intricacies of the world. It’s so quiet out there. And when you come back inside you appreciate your warm lil corner of the world even more.
Feb 17, 2024
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Most of the time, when I’m mad about something, I’ll think back on it months later and be like “wait why did I even care about that?” We should collectively all try that with Winter. The air smells so fucking good. Like where is that mystery campfire coming from?? I feel like every time I step outside and take a breath, I level up. I get that you think you don’t like the cold. It took me a while to understand that “acquired taste” means a taste that I can STILL acquire. Now when I don’t like food, I just eat it until I do. This January, when your unadjustable New York apartment heat is cranked so high that you can smell the lead paint melting off the walls, take a step outside onto your stoop for a breath of that crispy ass chimney-scented air, and remember DBG sent you there.
Jan 10, 2023
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Like winter, winter - when it got cold and the November rain turned to snow and it stayed that way. And then it snowed more and more and it created blankets of snow that would stack so high youd be forced to walk within the maze of snow banks.
And being bundled up and flopping backwards in a satisfied exhaustion into that snow. All sound around you damped like you were under water. Bright grey skies above you and the warm burn of a pinch of ice melting on your cheek. Very serene memories - maybe only relatable to our family in the north.
….whoops late for work now!
Feb 24, 2025
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Jan 24, 2024
Between New York's brutal cold front and battling the flu, I've barely left my apartment this month. So I decided to get dressed up on Saturday even though we stayed in to make chili and play Scrabble. C gifted me a nice sweater (Oscar de la Renta!) for my 31st that I wanted to sport with some fancy pants I thrifted in Omaha a couple months back (I've been into dressy slacks lately and, overall, have been trying to class it up a couple notches).
I play dress up all the time with C, trying on new fits and unexpected combos from our overflowing dressers/closets. I own more pants than I've ever owned (maybe 15) so the permutations are truly endless.
Jan 22, 2024
Every Monday, me and a bunch of other Brooklyn degenerates congregate at The Gutter in Williamsburg to destroy some pins and drain some longnecks. I've been bowling at the Gutter for eight years now and most seasons we lost miserably, but now we're sort of good. Joining the league was a great way to meet people and I always look forward to league night, especially during tough or lonely periods. Plus, just about everyone is charmed when you tell them you're in a league.
I look like I work for IBM in the 90s in this pic but here I am with my high score (181).
Jan 22, 2024