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Been single for a while now after a 7 year relationship ended really poorly. for a while I caught myself trying to force love out of lust. dating apps, eye contact that lasts an extra second, I started seeing the love of my life everywhere. Taking time with myself, without any sort of pressure, has revealed layers of love (both romantic and not). I can’t recommend this enough. Don’t close yourself off to love, but don’t try to force it when it’s just not there.
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now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isn’t universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) i’d met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. we’d laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didn’t like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didn’t work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
we’ve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk I’ve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- it’s never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you it’s wrong — you’re worth more than that. love doesn’t thrive when it’s fed by obligation and pressure.
- don’t be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, they’re not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
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Truly, it will come out of nowhere. In my case from a place where I’d least expected it.
-don’t seek out a specific kind of love, sometimes having close friends you can emotionally connect w and support is so so important for your wellbeing. And more often than not romantic love can sprout from the platonic sort.
-keep growing and healing and being the best version of yourself u can be being yourself is so insanely magnetic esp. to those who are going to mesh well w u
-be receptive to your own emotions and Know that love will come out of nowhere and hit u upside the head
Jun 7, 2024
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This is annoying advice but love has always come to me when I’m not looking for it. When I get very active in things I’m passionate about (usually leftie organizing but also art and history stuff and also just spending time with friends a la the friends of friends rec) I meet new people and find interesting, aligned folks.
Apr 5, 2024
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I still go on a couple times a day while I’m on the computer but that amounts to about 20x less than I would be otherwise. Brings down screen time more than you’d think.
Mar 29, 2024
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I don’t want a Spotify wrapped, I don’t want an algorithm telling me what I like. Give me back the local dude at Blockbuster recommending our weekly movie night VHS, give me the cute girl at the record store saying “you might like The Cure”.
Records, VHS, Cassette, Print Magazines….gimme dat shit
Dec 29, 2023
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our enjoyment of the cinema shan’t be beholden to the whims of others, nor our early arrival for the trailers, nor our choice of snack
Dec 28, 2023