now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isnāt universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) iād met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. weād laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didnāt like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didnāt work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
weāve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk Iāve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- itās never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you itās wrong ā youāre worth more than that. love doesnāt thrive when itās fed by obligation and pressure.
- donāt be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, theyāre not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
Related Recs
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Truly, it will come out of nowhere. In my case from a place where Iād least expected it.
-donāt seek out a specific kind of love, sometimes having close friends you can emotionally connect w and support is so so important for your wellbeing. And more often than not romantic love can sprout from the platonic sort.
-keep growing and healing and being the best version of yourself u can be being yourself is so insanely magnetic esp. to those who are going to mesh well w u
-be receptive to your own emotions and Know that love will come out of nowhere and hit u upside the head
Jun 7, 2024
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truly nothing has altered my life in the way romantic love has. I was always so afraid of vulnerability and touch but once you start and even fail, you grow so much. Honestly, the trials of it are the most revealing. It seems so so scary but it is worth it always. And you both have to start from somewhere!! You are lucky that youāre friends and can hopefully work on communicating what you both are feeling in this moment as well.
Maybe it does come a lonely place, but imagine if you healed that loneliness? Or even got an inch closer to understanding how to fill that void?
The relationship may not be forever. This is true of any relationship. Have you had a turbulent friendship so far? If there are situations where this person tried to purposefully hurt your feelings, Iād reconsider. Otherwise, if youāre honest and communicative along the way, I think you could maintain that stability with them. Iād find ways to keep your sanity as well (journaling, going on walks, talking with [other] friends), as someone who has felt ācrazyā in love
Itās hard to change and allow change into your life. But how will you know what life could be like if you donāt try? Itās hard to force yourself to do it. Iām such a worrier; I even started writing fears and desires down about the slightest changes, only to look back days later even to see that theyāre resolved and petty. Change can hurt you and scare you and make you look back at your past self and wonder how that was your life before these moments, but it is always worth trying something different, seeing your life in a different light.
One of my favorite quotes is from āGiovanniās Roomā by James Baldwin:āSomebodyā¦.your father or mine, should have told us that not many people have ever died of love.Ā But multitudes have perished, and are perishing every hour--and in the oddest places!-- for the lack of it.ā
This is all very lovey-dovey but I really think itās worth seeing if it works, openly communicating with this person, and letting the change pass over you!
Nov 18, 2024
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Sometimes I get caught up chasing ideals of love. Growing up with immigrant parents in the US, I wished my parents showed me love the way my friends' parents did. My parents seemed cold in comparison to the affection I saw my friends receiving. I fell for best friends who did love me but never enough and never in the ways I wanted them to.
Nowadays I have grown to appreciate the ways in which my parents do show me love -- when they ask if I've eaten or when I dye my mom's hair as she peels me oranges. Friendship to me no longer needs to be tied up in such rigid binaries. It's not the label of a relationship I'm after but rather just the intimacy of knowing other people. I try not to focus so much on how I wish to be loved by other people and instead pay attention to all the different ways I am loved. Acting with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. And in that way, everything feels enough.
Disclaimer: Establishing boundaries is paramount. Love that is corrosive or manipulative is not love.
Feb 1, 2024
Top Recs from @antifabricated
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undoubtedly my favorite conversational invocation. i use it a lot and i love to hear it.
imploring someone to tell you more shows such deep interest, attention, and love! curiosity is always the answer; learn more before you pass a judgment.
Nov 7, 2024
thereās something quite melancholy and cathartic about it, like wow, Iām old enough and Iāve been living in this neighborhood long enough to start to be recognized as a familiar face. i love that i can walk into my favorite coffee shop and be greeted as a friend, by baristas who know exactly my coffee particularities but donāt frown if i want something different from my usual order. it feels especially comforting on days i miss home and feel kind of alone, kind of afraid of being an adult. being a regular is feeling seen and known even by relative strangers, with whom you can connect over a comforting drink or meal! this is just one of the ways i love to cultivate a sense of home and community in my coming-of-age yearsā itās so grounding to experience familiarity especially when youāre adjusting to living alone, recently moved to a new city, or otherwise needing to feel settled during tumultuous times!
Nov 11, 2024
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idk about you all but the second i get home i will be putting sweats or lounge clothes on. these clothes only see the indoors and are never exposed to the Outside City. god forbid my jeans or slacks touch my clean cozy bed!! let alone shoes... might be the asian grandmother influencing me but i find it a terrible crime to wear shoes in the house. a pair of slippers is much more comfortable! i find changing into a cozier outfit provides a wonderful mental transition into the coziness/safety of home PLUS it makes me feel extra put together, stylish, and focused when i'm goin out!! effectively switches my brain between work mode and relaxed mode.
Nov 17, 2024