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This how I feel on the inside when I think about it
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Feb 13, 2024

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as i once did, back when only i mattered to me
Feb 7, 2024
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I think in my experience on a more emotional/personal level, for every new person or new life experience I gain, it reminds me of my older sister who passed away a few years ago. Like, when someone laughs so wholeheartedly and the way their eyes squint slightly at the same time, or even to how someone would gush over their favorite celebrities, or their new obsessions on tiktok and IG, I see bits and pieces of her in them. Some days are a bit bittersweet, but on other days it almost feels like a breath of fresh air. Like, even in the ways I reminisce on her and the memories we shared both good and bad, no matter the time and death between us, it feels like she's there sometimes saying "Hi" in her own way. I like to think of it as a small balm that helps relive and heal the inevitable grief that follows the Hello's, good bye's, or even the simplest passing glances of someone/something(s) that reminds me of her.
Aug 14, 2024

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Am I coming? Am I going? I don’t know. Just a truly awful place to be.
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You can find connection with anyone on the street, but the people I actually want to connect with are exceedingly rare. I think it's better to just accept it if you are someone with very specific needs and tastes rather than torturing yourself over the fact that you feel alienated and alone. It also makes it more special when there's someone I truly connect with.
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