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a haiku:
i just got fired
unemployed, time to lock in
manic cleaned my room <3
*til nearly 6am, and redecorated, and saged
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When I was 19-20 I worked on Haight Street at a retro revival/rockabilly dress shop. The company had expanded too fast and blew all their money, so my store was closing and what was usually very expensive clothing was on super sale.
One day I arrived to work and everyone called out except me. My manager told me to run the (large) store all by myself. At some point the landlord for the building showed up to tell me the company hadn't paid rent in months. The store was so busy due to the sale that I couldn't take a break for hours due to the constant stream of people. The landlord decided she wanted to be "helpful" and was taking customers to the stock room to find clothes that weren't on the floor. It was chaos.
When finally there was a moment of the store being empty I locked the door, had a panic attack, and angrily scribbled the "closed early because overworked and underpaid" sign and left.
I was fired haha.
Apr 20, 2024
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I put my two weeks notice in last Wednesday. In four business days, I will be completely, comprehensively unemployed. Iām going to be a bartender next. You might see me around. I look like if a five year old Bob Dylan got HGH injected into his brain stem to make him much bigger than the other five year olds. Iāll pour you a drink. One mooooree cup of coffee āfore ya goooooo.
My obese boss got laid off last month. My only regret is not being able to invent a shrink ray in time. A shrink ray to shrink him down & ash out a cigarette on his fat little belly & put a burn on him. Seared pork belly.
After he got laid off, the top brass at the company got wise to the fact that I hadnt sold a single bottle of alcohol in the entire year Iāve been working at this alcohol sales job. My boss was extremely incompetent & lazy, more than I could have ever dreamed of being. Thatās how I got away with it.
They didnāt confront me, they didnāt even write me upā they simply asked me to be more on the ball. They wanted me to start working. š¤®š¤¢š¤¢š¤®. I quit within the week. Iāve had some good moments last couple of weeks. I fell asleep while sitting front row during a presentation at a regional conference. I couldnāt help it. It wasnāt even that I was tired. It wasnāt that the speaker was boring (though he was). It was his self satisfaction. The guy talking was upper middle management at an extremely prestigious household name whiskey company. But he talked & dressed like a puffed up substitute teacher. Checkered oxford shirt, skinny chinos, a watch that said āmy wife & I have been in a sexless marriage for 6 years. Not that I care. I have PIED chronic death grip syndrome. Iām addicted to JOI femdom findom from Finlandā . But he was talking as if he was better than me, as if I should aspire to be like him. This, I think, is what offended me so deeply. I did hate his style too thoughā Iām no marianoleonczik , but even I can tell when a guy is a total fucking loser based off what heās wearing.
So I nodded off. I allowed top eyelid to kiss bottom eyelid one too many times & I awoke to him standing in front of me. āHey, buddyā you gotta wake up. You canāt be asleep like that.ā I was so stunned I didnāt know what to do but laugh. I tried to cover it up with a cough, but it wasnāt any use I donāt think. Everyone at the company saw me doze off and wake up giggling & coughing in this guys face. Like I was one of the drunks whose lives we ruin for money about to get kicked out of the bar.
Thatās my happiest memory of actually being at work on this job.
Jun 7, 2024
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This is my last week of my unemployed arc. No more sleeping, no more staying up late, and no more wandering the forest at 2:31 pm on a Wednesday.
Jan 23, 2024
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women who run with wolves, women who run with rats.
the true ultimate bonding activity for you and the girls. because youāll never forget how they sheltered you when you were low.
one of the most liberating rituals I perform in New York is popping a squat in between parked cars or a dark corner and letting it all goā¦. wild wild women we are deemed to be.
they may look down upon us because perhaps it isnāt āpoliteā. But when youāre bursting at the seams, why must we settle for discomfort? Whatās a girl to do? We are not graced with simplicity to turn to the wallā subtly concealed without judgement. Our anatomy binds us to the confines of bearing it all in a squat. With added complexity given the outfit of choice. And always the obstacle of not splattering our cute shoes. but id only be telling you a falsehood if I said peeing outdoors isnāt so enjoyable whether it be in the middle of a forest or the city street. Even when all odds may be stacked against you.
Only God can judge me. But God is a woman anyway.
Feb 13, 2024
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Itās okay. itās not for validation, itās for performance art. Linda Montano said living life itself is her lifelong performance because she declared that it was. Trisha Paytas has carried on that performance practice. So Iām hot on instagram when the spirit compels me to be. But in like a durationally artistic way and for my future lifelong archive, to show my granddaughters that I was also young and fertile once and my boobs were decently sized and semi perky. They should know. That I was that girl once before I was grey and a bit wrinkled and more bitter than I am currently; for traditional reasons.
Mar 14, 2024
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Iām post-grad, unemployed, no direction, sick with a stomach flu or something, went on 3 back to back trips so like I spent a lot of money, clearly have lots of time to write and recommend and ponder and not be ridden with confusion and anxiety these days.
So yes, of course here I am. Back at last to Perfectly Imperfect. Youāve caught me red-handed. Crawling back as Iām glued to my couch currently on a nocturnal sleep schedule due to perhaps a combination of my illness and my body remaining in a time zone opposite to the one I must adjust back to.
Hope someone out there missed me. The bitch is back.
Jul 28, 2024