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we make silly mistakes and have regrets and they hurt our pride and it’s awkward yeah sure ok but hear me out:
sometimes what we are looking for (in any context) lies in revisiting, refining, reliving, remembering. or it lies in the process of doing so. it’s something i’ve been reckoning with recently.
if something we learned from the past made us feel something, what can we pull from it? can it be resurrected? or made better? or can we use that feeling elsewhere?
sorry for the conceptual philosophical rec that I’ll forget writing but i won’t be able to go to bed unless i write this itchy thought down somewhere
Mar 2, 2024
Related Recs
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working from what may seem like very surface level cliches but stay w me here
((tldr: why not just believe that its all working out for the better, even if thats not what you planned? also, empathy and objectivity are a solid duo that id like to see in combination more frequently.))
putting this at the top because this is a dissertation, at best; psychosis, at the other end of the pendulum.
sooooooo the fact that u have no control over life liek At All. has been a consistently terrifying concept for FOREVER as a shorty who is Clinically a control freak, but realizing that the unpredictable essence that makes all of this shit unnerving is the very thing that can take the weight of life off of your shoulders has been pretty revolutionary.
im still digesting/integrating it one bite at a time, for sure, so call me a hypocrite ESPECIALLY if you know me personally. when in clarity, though, its been so pleasant to realize that since Nothing truly matters that much since nothing is set in stone anyway- w regard to action, approach, fulfilling temporary expectations of yourself, whether or not you reach short term goals, etc.- living life completely and utterly for yourself and whatever that means to you at any given moment will likely ultimately be the plan that brings you most fulfillment, when all is said and done.
whether that means taking the risk and changing your major, taking that freaky elective bc it sounds cool, moving in w some randos in a townhouse, quitting your job and starting something new- maybe it winds up being an epic fail, who knows? as long as youre setting goals that align with an ultimate sense of who you are and what youre looking to get out of life, which i presume can be solidified further by pursuing said experiences just for the sake of it? right? helps u figure out what u actually want? and as long as you keep bareback essential priorities straight (financial and emotional stability come to mind), then theres no reason for impermanence to work against you.
this also counts for people, as well. i feel like we hold others to critical standards, as we should, but contemporarily tend to neglect the fact that people DO change. morals/how you view the world are impacted by experience, and we are all fruits of very very different trees. completely dependent on circumstance, of course, empathy/understanding/consequential second chances are side-swept under the premise of respect/accountability. accountability is CRUCIAL, but i feel like so many of us (myself included) take that to heart and forget that figuring out how someone got to some place is a key aspect of understanding whether or not their position was truly from a place of lack of respect? if that makes any sense??
i also have been thinking about this a lot: my best friend throughout middle school and i fell out the summer before sophomore year over…nothing? idk, 3 years of seeing each other every single day (neighbors) to no contact until senior of high school- still weren’t talking regularly or anything though.
2 years ago, she turned 20. i posted an old photo of us because, despite everything, 20’s a big one.
this year, we’ve spent late nights on facetime, drove to watch the sunrise after hours of catching up on god knows what on the hill where we would listen to music while her mom cooked dinner, and she’s been my go to for any necessary bitching/ranting during whats been the worst year my mental health has ever seen??
time is your friend, if you let it be. connections arent a race in any dynamic, and it’s never over if it’s truly meant to happen.
let life change. i think.
Dec 5, 2024
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-> is a quote from my journal that i wrote in a few long months ago. like with what i write, ever, i always expect whatever thoughts and feelings i express to amount to none or be something i cringe at. i don't want that to happen anymore, no matter how seen this account is.
-> i'll often confuse myself as to what being different means, because with black and white thinking it really is like turning an on and off switch. the changes come how i wanted them to be, and everything else different in me gets swept aside or doesn't change at all.
-> deep down, i know change needs to happen. in that same journal, i'd write off-hand phrases of "maybe some on-spirit growth can happen i don't know". i'd sweep my wishes away because they felt too grand for me to deserve or act upon.
-> right now, i'm good at acknowledging my issues and admitting to them, even if its to myself. i'm at a standstill of what to do about them, but i'm hoping to start thinking of it as practice. as a rehearsal, that being better is muscle memory. there's no switch to it and i guess i need to concurrently shape whatever i do.
-> but that's it, for something that i feel like would bring grand change to everything and everyone around me, it feels too little for such a large result. do these things really add up in scale? am i communicating this in legible words this time?
Jan 19, 2025
important part of moving on for me…getting the story on the page solidifies it, encases it in amber, makes it no longer something alive in your head. try it and see‼️
Jan 20, 2025
Top Recs from @mariaknows
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“Once I get my body right/my money up/my skin cleared up, it’s over for y’all!”
And if you don’t do any of that, cool! That doesn’t make you any less valid!
Things take time. We only have so much of it in this life and we spend too much of it thinking about ourselves. Forgive yourself.
Forgiving ourselves for being where we are in the present moment frees up mental capacity for us to more meaningfully engage in the world and live outside of our own thoughts.
And that’s what feeds our souls. Not looking or being perfect.
Mar 9, 2024
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fruits, granola bars, chips, nuts, the possibilities are endless! its cool to always have energy on the go
Mar 3, 2024
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this recommendation may include:
countless pages of journal entries, playlists unfinished, messages unsent because you don’t want to be annoying, wishing on stars that you can’t see from your window that faces an alleyway, the chill in your bones when the wrong (or right) word is uttered from across the street by strangers who could never even attempt to know what it means to you, the feeling of the mind overtaking the heart overtaking the mind, looking at the crystals on your nightstand and telling them to do their thing, whatever that thing is, wanting to throw a ball of yarn into the sky and hoping it unravels at the right doorstep with your own heart and soul tied to it by a simple boy scout knot
and begging the universe to give you an easy work day so you can relive this feeling again tomorrow
Mar 12, 2024