đź«‚
(Not literally.)
I’m of the belief that platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. Build a community of folks who meet you where you are and with whom you feel safe and vice versa!
In a perfect world they see all versions of you from rock bottom to ascending, not unlike the intimacy usually reserved for a lover. Fuck that heteronormative bullshit. Do that with your friends. They will give you grace and hold you accountable for foolishness. If you don’t have people like this, go out and make them.
This late night shower thought brought to you by a conversation with a cishet male Uber driver who really needs to love himself more.
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i don’t know you so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply to you. i’ve also never had a long-term romantic relationship so maybe i’m not the best person to listen to anyway. BUT i do have a beautiful community of long-lasting friendships which i believe has given me the skills to be successful in a future romantic partnership
i guess my point is it might be helpful to focus on developing friendships and community first. who knows, a date might come out of it too! but i’ve gone on dates with people who don’t have many friends before and it’s turned out to be a red flag cuz they haven't had experience with relationships in general
also, i've noticed the times i've most wanted to be in a relationship are times when i haven’t connected with my friends in awhile. desire for romance can be a signal for general human connection sometimes. so having a good community might fulfill some of the needs you’re feeling too. but i know it’s a different thing than being head over heels for someone… all depends on what we’re looking for i guess
all the advice on this thread is great for both dating and making friends though! i hope you find lots of meaningful connections of all kinds in the process ✨
Mar 16, 2024
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I used to see myself as someone with very few friends and even made a little fetish out of the idea of being “a lonely guy.”  That may or may not have ever even been true. It’s likely I always had friends but romanticized the idea of not having them. Now, I see myself as someone with friends and while it can be overwhelming in moments, it’s preferable to loneliness or romanticizing loneliness. Having friends/community is also healthier I am told than being alone. So, make friends, enjoy them, cherish them.
May 31, 2022
đź’Ş
This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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❤️
Work on yourself. Figure out your own likes and dislikes. Date yourself with such vigor, as if you were dating a new lover. That coupled with time passing ought to work wonders.
Mar 15, 2024
This specific meal brought me back to life in the middle of the storm and made me forget my jeans and boots were soaked from the rain
Egg creams for life
Apr 4, 2024
Join the A24 fan club (appropriately named AAA24) because they occasionally hook you up with free tickets to screenings, invitations to special events, will be the first to greet you happy birthday and send a gift of your choice, and you get quarterly zines!
The welcome kit comes with a members pin and the latest zine.
(No I do not work for them, I just think it’s one of the coolest fan clubs I’ve ever joined)
Apr 4, 2024