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not sure what this is saying and i wrote it

i toss and i turn with the pillow staying put, welcoming a new wave of anxiety with each movement 2:18 on the clock and the fan adds more momentum to my unattainable thoughts buried in the need to see, and learn the unknown yet, i lay on the surface as a parched rock in the middle of my favorite beach, reeking of the current simplicities of life though its surely a blessing in disguise which i might recall five years from now standing by, holding onto my innocence, waiting to believe in a miracle or see a comet pass by in the dark night sky

@macar0ni2

Mar 1, 2025

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a poem i wrote

there are things i think are weird  but it’s not that they are actually  weird  it’s that they are unusual  or they bring me a new perspective — one that i’m not so used to — like seeing an orange tractor on the side of the road  surrounded by three men in orange  construction suits  in the middle of the french countryside  or the fact that  at the beach yesterday, the foggy glimpse of land, the island we could see in the distance was the british island of jersey. it made me think about how the world is really so small  and that we, humans, are the ones  that make it seem so big and  vast.  we are the ones that over complicate over think over populate  over build over use  over dignify ourselves  when we are just merely visitors in this never ending universe. and somehow, in some  situations that idea is  safety and  comfort. it’s refreshing  to know that as messy and as complicated  our lives are, none of it  actually matters. because if nothing matters, we can get away with a lot. we can be mean and  crazy and stupid  and in love  and happy and hungry for more and sad  and lively and alone.  but then i remember that “we are not a drop in the ocean we are the ocean in a drop” and we don’t have to pretend that our  emotions are meaningless  and that our lives aren’t meant to be lived  and we aren’t meant to be thought about and  cared for and loved.  the things we feel are real and they hurt. they are painful.  they are beautiful.  they stay and they pass.  just like the fog that covers up jersey — just like the tractor on the side of the road — just like us.

@sunflowerlady

Jan 4, 2025

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on numbness

you know what i find really interesting? that i’ve never not started a big little post like this without the words “you know what i find really interesting”? anyone who has ever met me has been a victim of this same quote, with no fault of their own, i am but a broken record “the entirety of your life is either waiting for the really good things or the really bad things” (my father) you know what i find really interesting? numbness. not it’s presence , not its absence, rather the fact it exists at all. i am moved by the fact i can be moved i often wonder if i have felt the entirety of emotions possible my disposal have i ever really been in love? can i look upon you with tears in your eyes and say, definitively, i know how you feel? is your happiness mine? do you understand my desires as i understand yours? i am but words on a screen and pixels that stand before you in their own right, words that are not contingent on your comprehension yet secretly hope and pray they do not fall on deaf ears. i do not need your validation, but i want it. tell me i am beautiful, or smart, or that the funny words i use are any different than another teenage girls, tell me you know too what it is like to be numb, and sad, and happy, and hungry. why do we write? why do we express? to remind you that i too am human, grappling with my own mortality every day? am i writing for you?

@22

Feb 11, 2025

Top Recs from @rururuthie

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adventure time

There are SO many great series out here these days, and this isn’t anything new or groundbreaking, but I’ve been watching Adventure Time since I was a little kid- I have watched it in full dozens of times at least. I’m amazed every viewing at how I am able to understand new profound themes along with new levels of silliness. The creator is basically a genius and I think it’s one of the most beautiful and underrated cartoons everrrrr

@rururuthie

Mar 20, 2024

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epic storm over the chesapeake bay

@rururuthie

Mar 31, 2024

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Merlin bird id app

I’ve been obsessed with this app that identifies birdies based on their calls and songs! It’s incredible how many different birds are in my yard at different times of day. I’m so excited to use it while traveling too🙌

@rururuthie

Apr 21, 2024