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our faces don’t really look the same - Aware

- happy snowstorm to those experiencing it. over time i’ve been quite used to my environment changing around me. i know with how much control i’ve exhibited that it hasn’t been a case of myself lacking control or my *will* being meaningless, but rather the way i wake up. - in the past few months, i shut myself off in attempts to minimize whatever i was feeling. i’m still guilty of it but, looking at pictures of myself before i turned out this way makes me see that even if i can’t see how my behavior’s changed, i can see the physical. this is a very stupid and literal reference, but “changes” by david bowie goes as such: / Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can’t trace time / time will change us. no matter what, but our efforts will amount to something if we try imitating its grip! facing it first, (grimly) succumbing to time could be what makes us change. there’s times where my change isn’t my priority. i’m guilty of wondering how other people think of me now, when i will never be able to know such “hows”. i get scared, terrified of how someone else may have changed, and like with how the physical changes are the most obvious, the aspect that sets in the most fear for me is seeing how people physically change. it’s an odd feeling. you meet who you’re going to be in the future, in each fleeting moment, but once that isn’t in your control, and you’re facing what you can’t lie about, you can’t stop how your environment changes. people look different, their perceptions of you change. all you can do is think what you could do differently, or accept everything. accept who you’re going to be and everything you’re not.

@sebbspirit

Jan 19, 2025

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Being misunderstood

Sometimes I’m sincere…sometimes I’m feeling a little silly…forever torn between two different fabrics of reality. This is the path I must take…alone.

@mitchmarsico

Feb 1, 2024

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9th grade poetry for school

just something i wrote for an assignment in 9th grade English. also if you recognize the mitski quote hidden in the poem don't tell my school I plagiarized pretty please i. I am to be born anew in ten days.  I can feel it In my skin. It pulses under the flesh Like a river, rushing through my veins. A change is fast approaching and I am not strong enough to withstand it. ii. I am too vulnerable, too fragile to change. I am one to be crushed under a boot, I cannot endure this change that will come in 9 days' time.  I am afraid. Afraid. iii. My mother changed only weeks ago. She is as young as I soon will be. Her children, my siblings, are many. I am one in one thousand and I will be lost in a haze of orange when we change. It will be brilliant, it will be, Fleeting. Our beauty will last only seconds in the eyes of those who look upon us. Mother, I am to be young again.  Mother, were you scared? Were you scared mother? I am scared of the change to come. iv. My hunger grows with each passing day, as does my fear. Some of my siblings have already started to settle. They seek out the places closer to the sky, as if, even in this life before the next, they long to be weightless, held only by the cold wind that I feel on my back.  They do not seem afraid, as I am. They turn their heads to the sky, facing down the wide expanse of blue like the ant faces a hurricane. They do not cower, only waiting for the change they know is coming. They are resilient in ways I am not. I am not, I am not, I am not. Please, I am not them, please, I cannot withstand this. I am afraid, do you hear?  I, who make no sound, am screaming I am afraid of the change to come. v. Today, I reflect. My life, as short as it is, is coming to an end. In five days, I will become someone else. In five days, I am to live a new life in a new body.  Mother, you are dying soon. Soon, my new body will replace yours in the kaleidoscope. Soon, mother, soon. I do not want to leave the ground, I do not want to take flight like I am intended to. Mother, soon, too soon.  vi. I have begun the change.  Soon, mother. Soon. ix. This barrier between me and my new world has begun to crack. I push at the walls of my chrysalis with new arms, new legs. This new body has not seen the outside world but it is unafraid. How? How did something so sensitive become a rock in a river? I had thought, before my new mind settled in my head, that my fear would remain.  Even if my body had changed, my mind would remain. But it has not, and I am just like my siblings. Their resilience which I had only witnessed when I had looked into their dark eyes, and seen the look on their faces, has become mine.  Oh mother, is this how you felt? Was I wrong to ask if you were afraid? You were, weren’t you? Just like me, my mother, like me. And like me you weathered your storm, you were born anew and unafraid. i. I am different. I feel it, in a way unlike any other. My body has changed but my mind as well. Before, I was guided by the will to survive. Before, I was not looking to the skies because there was nothing in them for me to look at, but now, now my weary head turns to the sky as almost second nature. It calls to me, to my newborn wings and my young resolve to conquer it.  I am finally living. Mother, is this what you felt like? Did you live as well? This change, this change, I am alive, for the first time, I live.   Oh, mother, I am not afraid. I will face the skies,         Unafraid.        And the wind will push my frail body   but I will not fall, no,         These new wings,  they will take flight and I will rise, Do you hear? Mother? I will rise, just like you.  I am born anew.

@salmune

May 13, 2024

Top Recs from @zahrathenomad

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All the things i wish i said to you

I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care about you that I don’t wonder how are you doing. That I don’t feel the frustration that you are going through and not reach a hand out. You know I think about about all the people that I loved and I never gotten a chance to tell them that because I’m too scared to tell how I feel to bear my soul to them to expose myself. I am scared of how they reacted thinking that my love is too much. That it might suffacate you. Well I don’t want want to do that any more I don’t want fear to rule my life. I don’t want words to go being unsaid. I love you and I care about you. And I don’t want to punish myself for that. This world is scary and I don’t know why we punish ourselves for wanting to connect with the people we want to. The ones we are drawn to. My love for you has no expectation no analysis no Freud. I care and I love because I simply to. I want to spend an average day beyond these simple pleasantries beyond this conversation. And I want you to know that. That no matter what I am here for you and I would do anything for you. And I see you. I see you beyond the charactures of personality that we curate to blend in. I see you. And I see the pain. And I see the joy. And I want to be there. And I want nothing. I just want you to let me love you.

@zahrathenomad

Apr 23, 2024

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Walking library

I am full of stories  A walking library  Waiting for someone to pick out a book Read me  Tell me who I am 

@zahrathenomad

Apr 23, 2024

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grapes under tables

Its a new year A fresh plate A clean slate I bought grapes to eat under the table at midnight To find my love But i ended up forgetting while i was cleaning my room Something i told myself i want to do for me And i wrote a goal list Decorated my notebook Laughed Danced Sung at the top of my lungs And i think thats my sign Leave the search for this man Put that passion into yourself Search for me Laugh Dance And sing at the top of your lungs You are whole All of you Beautiful Theres nothing missing Nothing to search for No grapes to eat under tables

@zahrathenomad

Apr 15, 2024