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- happy snowstorm to those experiencing it. over time i’ve been quite used to my environment changing around me. i know with how much control i’ve exhibited that it hasn’t been a case of myself lacking control or my *will* being meaningless, but rather the way i wake up. - in the past few months, i shut myself off in attempts to minimize whatever i was feeling. i’m still guilty of it but, looking at pictures of myself before i turned out this way makes me see that even if i can’t see how my behavior’s changed, i can see the physical. this is a very stupid and literal reference, but “changes” by david bowie goes as such: / Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can’t trace time / time will change us. no matter what, but our efforts will amount to something if we try imitating its grip! facing it first, (grimly) succumbing to time could be what makes us change. there’s times where my change isn’t my priority. i’m guilty of wondering how other people think of me now, when i will never be able to know such “hows”. i get scared, terrified of how someone else may have changed, and like with how the physical changes are the most obvious, the aspect that sets in the most fear for me is seeing how people physically change. it’s an odd feeling. you meet who you’re going to be in the future, in each fleeting moment, but once that isn’t in your control, and you’re facing what you can’t lie about, you can’t stop how your environment changes. people look different, their perceptions of you change. all you can do is think what you could do differently, or accept everything. accept who you’re going to be and everything you’re not.
Jan 19, 2025

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just something i wrote for an assignment in 9th grade English. also if you recognize the mitski quote hidden in the poem don't tell my school I plagiarized pretty please i. I am to be born anew in ten days.  I can feel it In my skin. It pulses under the flesh Like a river, rushing through my veins. A change is fast approaching and I am not strong enough to withstand it. ii. I am too vulnerable, too fragile to change. I am one to be crushed under a boot, I cannot endure this change that will come in 9 days' time.  I am afraid. Afraid. iii. My mother changed only weeks ago. She is as young as I soon will be. Her children, my siblings, are many. I am one in one thousand and I will be lost in a haze of orange when we change. It will be brilliant, it will be, Fleeting. Our beauty will last only seconds in the eyes of those who look upon us. Mother, I am to be young again.  Mother, were you scared? Were you scared mother? I am scared of the change to come. iv. My hunger grows with each passing day, as does my fear. Some of my siblings have already started to settle. They seek out the places closer to the sky, as if, even in this life before the next, they long to be weightless, held only by the cold wind that I feel on my back.  They do not seem afraid, as I am. They turn their heads to the sky, facing down the wide expanse of blue like the ant faces a hurricane. They do not cower, only waiting for the change they know is coming. They are resilient in ways I am not. I am not, I am not, I am not. Please, I am not them, please, I cannot withstand this. I am afraid, do you hear?  I, who make no sound, am screaming I am afraid of the change to come. v. Today, I reflect. My life, as short as it is, is coming to an end. In five days, I will become someone else. In five days, I am to live a new life in a new body.  Mother, you are dying soon. Soon, my new body will replace yours in the kaleidoscope. Soon, mother, soon. I do not want to leave the ground, I do not want to take flight like I am intended to. Mother, soon, too soon.  vi. I have begun the change.  Soon, mother. Soon. ix. This barrier between me and my new world has begun to crack. I push at the walls of my chrysalis with new arms, new legs. This new body has not seen the outside world but it is unafraid. How? How did something so sensitive become a rock in a river? I had thought, before my new mind settled in my head, that my fear would remain.  Even if my body had changed, my mind would remain. But it has not, and I am just like my siblings. Their resilience which I had only witnessed when I had looked into their dark eyes, and seen the look on their faces, has become mine.  Oh mother, is this how you felt? Was I wrong to ask if you were afraid? You were, weren’t you? Just like me, my mother, like me. And like me you weathered your storm, you were born anew and unafraid. i. I am different. I feel it, in a way unlike any other. My body has changed but my mind as well. Before, I was guided by the will to survive. Before, I was not looking to the skies because there was nothing in them for me to look at, but now, now my weary head turns to the sky as almost second nature. It calls to me, to my newborn wings and my young resolve to conquer it.  I am finally living. Mother, is this what you felt like? Did you live as well? This change, this change, I am alive, for the first time, I live.   Oh, mother, I am not afraid. I will face the skies,         Unafraid.        And the wind will push my frail body   but I will not fall, no,         These new wings,  they will take flight and I will rise, Do you hear? Mother? I will rise, just like you.  I am born anew.
May 13, 2024
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I’m not the person you thought I was  Or the person I thought I was  In this strange new town  I can find anything to lean on  To grasp on To find who I was Same face But a heart that prays for something else  And no one knows me Like this pen  I hold between my fingers 
Apr 25, 2024
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the world is turning yet i remain i remain as i always have for i am pieces of myself, searching for the whole i am growing too big for my own skin twisting and turning breaking and bending myself in the process of it all accepting a change that doesn't yet know who i am -moncherimaggot
Jan 4, 2025

Top Recs from @sebbspirit

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-there was a recent time where i met someone, someone very sweet and interesting. we talked and talked, and no matter how much i'd ever see them again, i was okay with myself. to me, they were an anomaly in the people i met, because they were that remarkable to me. i walked away from them fulfilled, as i repeated to myself in my head "even if i don't see them again i'll be okay". -i've always held on to those kinds of experiences, minus the acceptance. that's what's new with this one. -first it was holding on to the memories of people who i couldn't see anymore due to moving, then it was holding on to the things we did. in elementary, the people that befriended me had a binder and we'd draw and play characters all written in that one binder during recess. -one of those friends, kaden, moved away in 6th grade without telling anyone. with how much i've moved state to state, i completely understand why he did that or why he couldn't do anything about it. i've thought about disappearing, without anyone looking or having to worry about me. but, me being the person i am i couldn't forget him. -the last move i have to do is this year. it won't even be out of my control because of it's that of college. my house won't be *my house* and it won't retain the shape it wrapped me around with. -i live in myself and i'm learning to stop disappearing from myself, because in the end that is impossible. -so, when i met this said person recently, i acknowledged that i could miss this person forever, but also the hope to meet people like them that i could keep forever. that there are good people i can be good to so, when i leave, i want to accept that *things can happen again*. don't know if this made much sense
Jan 24, 2025
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i like gaining knowledge and checking their sources. on occasion i edit articles on wikipedia. right now, i’m obsessed with studying math on it. i usually always land on the page about quaternions. def don’t use wikipedia as your source of knowledge though, make sure to check citations and read yourself!!!
Jan 14, 2025
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-> outs -insisting on dealing with things on my own -bottling things up -complex yearning -lying, to myself even -refusing change in routine -> ins -liking myself -making equal time for everything -empathy and feeling my own feelings -being good on my own -listening -being able to describe myself -saving my money lol -write, write, write, be it songs journal reflection or research
Jan 17, 2025