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An overlong, drawn-out, almost half-an-hour long goodbye. I, as a Mexican, know it by the name of the Zacatecan Goodbye. People in the States may know it as the Midwest Goodbye; the philosophical opposite of the Irish Goodbye (which also has its place in the human social ecosystems).
Zacatecas is a state a bit to the North in Mexico where people are traditionally tight-knit to frankly surreal levels, at least to my experience with family from there. Everyone is a distant relative to each other, everyone is a neighbor, everyone knows that thing you did at your cousins wedding party two years ago, unfortunately. It's a small town in the guise of a state.
I'm generalizing, but there's no better evidence of how intertwined the people are than their farewells. Last minute gossip comes up after the salvo of hugs and is debriefed thoroughly. Plans for the next reunion are arranged during the second, not the last, round of hugs and kisses, the details of which are too exciting not to dwell on before parting. The roundup of the kids is delayed by an impromptu game of expert-level hide and seek. Elders' eyes glisten at their children and grandchildren meeting the horizon.
The connections drawn tight and then relaxed by the Zacatecan Goodbye are not always good. Departure can be difficult even when you want to go, perhaps even more so. So rough and bittersweet is the endeavor of separation because it is futile; you think you leave when you go through the door, but you really are not, nor ever will.
Apr 30, 2024
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I‘m told that it’s rude, but frankly I don’t care. How many people am I supposed to say goodbye to? Does everyone just stand and watch as I say goodbye? Is it announced that I’m leaving? Am I losing an ambiguous alibi and whereabouts? Yes. I’m going to leave and what are you going to do… tell me to stay???? I’m already gone.
Jan 23, 2025
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Sometimes it just feels good to disappear. I don’t want to hug everyone so I will sneak out and end up in my bed with a couple of texts saying variations of “where did you run off to?” and I will fall into a peaceful slumber knowing I am missed.
Feb 6, 2024
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I forewarned him I'd leave, and we're both perfectly noncommittal. He flies back over the Atlantic today, might be doing it right now. We texted our farewells. Satisfying, perfectly limited intimacy.
Mar 8, 2025
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Underwear, soap, sunblock, sheets; if you're putting up a barrier between the physical you and the oh-so-hazardous world then, if possible, have it be the most effective barrier it can be.
May 15, 2024
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Receiving is giving too. Also, there's quite a high chance you deserve to be complimented.
Apr 26, 2024
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Why do they hide so much history within them? Why does that past come out in most unprompted ways? Why is the pizza line at Costco essential for me to learn my grandfather's name was Salvador, that dad was buddies with famous luchadores, or that he is casual friends with many a notable playwright?
I hope it's not the feeling that I'd be uninterested; I certainly am.
His storytelling is so casual, so carefree. Maybe he likes the old days to be the old days and his place to be in the now, and his way of keeping the past at bay is to scarcely visit it, to give nostalgia no special regard.
Perhaps he likes the chance to be mysterious, and he very much is in these moments. It's strange for there to be mystery between us, but that's unavoidable, I guess. I try not to take it as a barrier. We are mysteries even to ourselves; it's an unjustly tall order to make ourselves crystal clear for others, even our children, perhaps.
Whatever it is, I treasure each pearl of the weird history, the places he has been and the trouble he got into. He was and still is that young man just as I hope to still be who I am today, even if in bite-sized, shocking portions.
Apr 29, 2024