May 5, 2024
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(1) never say swag again (2) fascinated at your range (kinderwhore is hilarious) & how it ebbed & flowed with life seasons and how it’s even shifting now (3) do you think you felt more…idk what word to use…confident(?) with your more formal wear/blazers because you grew to know yourself more or do you think that’s because the clothing itself demanded a more serious tone? do you think if you were in your kinderwhore era at the same time that you’d have felt the same level of presence without the formal wear? Curious about that
May 5, 2024
marianoleonczik 1) I’m sorry but I’m bringing swag back and I’m even going to say swaggie like Justin Bieber 2) I am a real shapeshifter my archives of photos of myself are kind of crazy with how different they all are
3) my feelings on this are actually so complicated and difficult to articulate because I’m still working through this and processing it! On one level I think this shift to more stern and no-nonsense clothing happened at a time where I also transitioned from being a broke kid who grew up in the bohemian artist class to joining the ranks of the suburban middle American working upper middle class and living among them. it’s hard for me to say whatever my perception of being treated with more respect happened as a function of that change. but my desire to assimilate did also heavily influence my decision to change the way I dressed.
But on an entirely different level i think unbeknownst to me people perceived the way I dressed as inviting them to objectify me and I could and probably will write a whole treatise on this someday once I can find the words. in contrast dressing like someone who looks like they can and will Karen out at any moment puts the fear of god into people. it’s hard to disentangle the way clothing makes you feel from the effects your style has on the world around you 🤔
May 5, 2024
taterhole (3) makes complete sense. Wearing all black and being tall and having rbf has lead to constant comments that I seem “unapproachable” or mean, which fades once you get to know me. But perception is powerful that way. Similar to you, I’d rather people assume I’m stern / serious / standoffish than I would want them to assume I’m this goof. In some senses, we often wear what we do because we want to be perceived a certain way, even if that way isn’t how we are at our core. I know that when I wear what I do, I’m perceived as this version of me that commands respect. In actuality I’m rarely ever that serious. I am sure that in your case, being a girl, your perspective is much different and in many ways even more complicated due to (paraphrasing here) the patriarchy and sexuality and fear of being perceived because ‘would you rather be in the woods with a man or a bear’ and having every girl say ‘bear’ says a LOT about how creepy men can be. Yes yes yes. Lots to nuance. Would love to read your thesis one day.
May 5, 2024
marianoleonczik absolutely agree!!!! I wear a lot of black too and also think in a sense dressing to command respect can unintentionally create too much distance between myself and other people and makes it hard to connect especially because I already come across as being so gravely serious and standoffish. not a big smiler. I’m starting to realize people may perceive me as being stuck up so I’m trying to see how much I want to soften with that while also not inviting TOO much approachability or availability as a woman
