My sister was in extremely poor health from autoimmune disorders plus a difficult pregnancy and routine reinfection of COVID, she passed in 2021 and it was incredibly hard for me, especially my mother to lose a sibling/daughter that young
I really suggest mentally preparing to lean into the grief and take as long as possible to heal but at the same time, do not let it consume and become your North Star because grief can be potent, it can disempower and demotivate. In those times you have to use joy as an antidote. cherish the time you have while she is in hospice and do things that make her feel comfortable and dignified and peaceful. Tell stories, tell jokes, just tell her how much you love and care to be there in that moment
May 24, 2024
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Play music, if she likes it. I second telling jokes. If possible, invite friends or other family to come say hi and tell stories. Don't be afraid to ask for help, people sometimes have a hard time knowing what to say and genuinely want to do something to feel useful. Something easy to ask for are homecooked meals for you and your sister. Ask the nurses for help and advice. Try your best to take care of yourself, especially when it comes to sleep.
And I second taking your time to feel the grief and leaning into honest and the weirdness. Speaking of weird, listening to Alan Watts lectures helped me, both in becoming more comfortable with death and thinking about how beautiful life is. I can't remember which ones, but maybe something to look up if you feel drawn to it.
I went through this with my dad and can honestly say while it was the hardest thing I've been through, I am ultimately grateful for the experience. I don't think I'll have a greater privilege than taking care of him and being there with him. I won't say it's harder or easier than a sudden death, because it's all pretty brutal. But not everyone gets the chance to be there. Sending lots of good thoughts your way Katrina
May 24, 2024
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this is not in any order of importance
1. Have post death stuff sorted out - idk wills, burial plans etc. we didn’t have all of it figured it out and it caused a lot of arguing and strain during an already difficult time
2. Try to split certain responsibilities between you and your sister + anyone else who is helping
3. Ask people around you for help!!!! Fr!!! i Had friends that offered to help but I also Learned to ask for things especially when it came to something that was really traumatizing to me but like wouldn’t be to them like a friend picked up docs from the hospitals for me or another arranged for the medical equipment to be taken from the apartment
4. Find a grief / support group - I felt very crazy during and after she died like my old life was gone and I couldn’t relate to so many people in my life. Grief group helped me understand the universal parts of the grief experience and that I wasn’t like a bad person and shit
5. Ask all of the questions and have all of the hard conversations - you won’t be able to and even small stuff I find myself upset that I didn’t ask and also had conversations about things that were like resentment filled idk
6. In like a literal sense idk what time of pain your mom is in but my mom loved those electric heating pads I also just listened and gave her whatever she wanted like idk she got really into blue jelly beans I went out and bought a bag and sorted out the blue ones for her
I’m very sorry you’re going through this!! If I can help with anything or answer anymore questions pls reach out 💘
be prepared for it to feel like you’re in a different parallel life idk it was like that for me and other people I know who went through similar things
May 25, 2024
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lost a sister to sudden illness when I was 6, my aunt (my mother’s twin) to suicide when I was 15, and lost my mother to suicide when I was 23.
i’ve learned that life definitely keeps you on your toes, and that plans should all be held with an open palm. the best you can do is appreciate with upmost sincerity what you have in the moment, trust in your ability to weather what may come, and believe that wherever you might end up on the other side of things that you can still change the direction you choose to go.
nothing is permanent except for the memories of the experiences you share with loved ones and the consequences for yourself and others of the choices you make. also get yourself well mentally and emotionally, stay on that journey of healing. the scars of unhealthy grief run deep and transcend generations.
also tell your mamas you love em especially if they raised you right 🫶🫶
Jul 18, 2024
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The bastard child of the kitchen, the most misunderstood condiment
You might be underutilizing it, if you don’t like it I can’t help you
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