To startā> I donāt want this to come off as trauma dumpy, I am v happy with the person Ive grown into. Who I wouldnāt be if I didnāt have these experiences:)
Iāve moved around so so so much especially as a kid. I used to feel v guilty bc there were a lot of friends I left behind bc of circumstances beyond my control. This pattern became a trend that continued throughout my life. Went to 4 high schools; was going thru a lot, and was referred to as a ghost.
Having someone you didnāt even realize knew who u were say āomg! Itās been a year! We thought youād died, wow, how are you? Yk a lot of people tried to reach outā¦etcā completely changed my perspective on the world. I didnāt even realize the possibility I was really noticed outside of my immediate friend group.
Another case happened this year at university. I was chatting w someone from a class, their friends walk up to say hi, and one says āyour name is Sophia right?ā I said yes and assumed Iād just met her while drunk at a show. So I apologized, and asked her name/ where she was from and all that jazz. It got more awkward when she said we went to the same school growing up, same class and everything. I didnāt recognize her at all, but obviously she knew me, it was so bizarre. Continued to see her around campus nearly every day for the rest of the year Lolz.
It didnt all actualize for me until recently, and still makes my head spin. I canāt imagine how many people I unintentionally became a ghost to :// being perceived is crazyyyy
May 24, 2024
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iām always scared to be like āomg werenāt we in that writing class together two years ago??ā because what if they have no recollection and then i look crazy but other people have done that to me twice this week and i didnāt think they were crazy either time, it just made me really happy they remembered
Jan 28, 2025
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Not a rec but here to tell you that I also donāt remember my childhood very well. I once had a conversation where I realized *I* was the weird one for not remembering much. I kind of wondered for a long time what was wrong with me. My memory is pretty bad generally to this day :/
Just putting this here so you feel a little less alone in this. My therapist will also try to get me to remember my child self but I feel pretty removed from her. It kind of sucks, but also I feel like i get glimpsesā¦ I recently started using stickers in my journal when Iāve completed a book, and it makes me feel like a child again, but I really love it. Maybe there are glimpses that will come to you, but itās hard to go looking for them
Aug 5, 2024
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im a background character to all these strangers lives. they have all their own joys and sadness and fears and traumas and families and friends and realitiesāand iām just here, a passing character that they will forget in moments
Feb 22, 2025
Top Recs from @phianeversleeps
In this regard, to what I like to call a funk.
I feel trĆØs dookie. Lots of change in my life, and in times of instability I tend to fall off the horse- in a major way. Like many ppl. This past go round I have been excessively hard on myself over my general lacking inā¦ well almost everything. Ive come to the conclusion that there are times you have to give yourself more grace than youād like to. Maybe the pity party can last a couple more days than usual. I wonāt go into details, bc as those of you reading who have dealt with mental health struggles, it can be sort of gross. Sure. Thereās a ton I could be doing to put an end to my funk. Make more of an effort to dig myself out of the hole. But, at the end of the day I know I will come out of the funk in my own time. Faking myself out, and convincing myself Iām feeling better serves no one.
Making yourself feel worse over feeling bad in the first place is just wildly counterproductive. Just keep moving forward in time. Thereās a lot of it <3
Jun 2, 2024
If youve ever been curious about the culture and science around drugs, Vice had a series called Hamiltonās Pharmacopia. Some episodes/ specials are available on YT.
Premise: Documentary Series- Hamilton Morris is a chemist with a proclivity for studying the effects of different substances and how they work. Each episode is interesting he interviews all sorts of ppl from all walks of life. For instance: interviews a visual artist seemingly addicted to DMT, Native Americans who welcomed him to experience a guided ritual, scientists who did jail time for synthseizing research chemicalsā¦ and so so so many more. Iām not super into the chemistry aspect, but a significant aspect of his show is based in the sociological and psychological affects of illicit substance.
I linked one of my favorite episodes:)
I also just luv Hamilton ā£ļø and if he ever sees this š«¶š»š«¶š»š«¶š» lolz
May 25, 2024
May 29, 2024