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I am my mother’s daughter but it really does make you feel better. to feel more intentional about everything, even the space you occupy. What a dream
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because you knew for so long she was coming and now that she is here you’re so grateful that you did the work of healing generational wounds and mother trauma for yourself because now she will reap all of the benefits of that and even though she will experience her own hardship, it will be different from your own and she will have a mother that will love and be there for her unconditionally 🥲
Oct 22, 2024
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My mom is a wounded person that has never once worked on her issues. We are in an okay place now, honestly because I am now married and have children. If it wasn’t for that, I don’t know where I would stand with her. She very obviously did not like me for most of my life (which is crazy because I’m delightful!). Because of that, I spent years not speaking to her while I worked on healing from all of that, plus more.
I’ve been thinking about your question a lot. I am a mother, but I also work with mothers. I am a child therapist that not only works with children, but also their parents. Most parents that bring their kids to me love their children, but don’t know what to do. I’ve witnessed parents that I know love their children, and I’ve seen give them so much love, also act in ways that are toxic or abusive. I think every single parent has generational trauma unless they have intentionally worked on it.
I’m going to try to share some of my thoughts, although it will probably never feel complete or right.
I am a good mother to a 3 1/2 year year-old and eight month old, Here is what I intentionally do: I give lots of physical affection, and lots of praise. I praise my children when they are doing some thing that is helpful, that is kind, that I know is difficult for them. I try to ignore negative bids for attention as long as they are not dangerous. If my child makes a mistake, I react like it’s no big deal. If I do lose my cool, which does happen, I model how to regulate myself and I apologize. I always repair when it’s needed. Every day, I work in telling them how much I love them, and how happy I am that I get to be their mother. My 3 1/2 year-old is still sometimes slow to warm, and I never once pushed him to detach for me before he was ready. When something stops working, I take the time to see where I need to adjust. Just about every evening I run through our day and think about what went well or didn’t, what was going on, how I reacted, how I was feeling, how my kids were feeling. As parents, we need to lead the emotional environment. I will sometimes look up where my kids are at developmentally to make sure I am not putting too much demand on them. I let my 3 1/2 year-old negotiate. I think negotiation is an important skill. When I say no, he knows I’m serious. It’s clear when negotiating is not going to happen. I pay attention to their attitude and behaviors and lead them to what will best regulate them. I embrace and engage their curiosity. I try my best to be a safe person for them so that no matter what, they know I’ve got their backs.
There is so much more that I could say, but I am going to stop there. All of that works for me because I am me, and my kids are who they are. I feel I should shout out my husband because he is an active father and partner, and I can be a good mother because of that support. As my kids age, I know there are going to be struggles. I know there are going to be things that come out of left field for me and I’m going to have to figure out how to handle it. But what I’ve learned in the few years I've been a parent is that no hard period lasts forever.
I learned how to be a mother because I learned how to mother myself first. I spent a lot of years learning how to care and love for myself. I feel very, very grateful for my past self. Focus on that first. Become Your Own Mother.
Nov 18, 2024
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My mom is a nurse, and an amazing one. She is everyone’s rock. Today I’ve decided to organize and clean out the closets in her house. She doesnt have time to do it, but deserves a clean space ❤️
Feb 17, 2024
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Parents fully genuinely called me a liar several times when I said I had never heard this. Trying to help others out so nobody else misses the same cultural moment that I apparently somehow did
Aug 8, 2024
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self discipline is important. I want to go home now
Jun 4, 2024
we’re on the tail end of the phenomenon now but they r out in numbers that we haven’t seen since 1803. If you’re in the American MidEast go outside and let them fly into your unbrushed hair and remind you what it’s like to be so alive and so stupid and annoying and harmless and loud and ugly and free
Jun 3, 2024