ok disclaimer i don’t date men but people in my life do lol and i have a gender studies/sociology degree :) i agree with a lot of what aidanaguirre said & i also think other things at play are: - a cultural reactionary backlash to social progress for women & increased criticism of toxic masculinity and misogyny. given the norm of male entitlement to women’s affection, women raising their standardsover the years (due to feminist rhetoric) has increased some men feeling frustrated or even “incels” bc it’s “harder” to find a female partner. you see it a lot in the “sigma male” podcast world and a resurgence of “traditional family” ideology right now; all anti-female empowerment - dating app/hookup culture - i think 1) apps force split-second judgement on if someone’s attractive, and 2) hookup culture can encourage a culture of “disposability” w people we date or hookup with. this reinforces patriarchal ideals to men, which can make it harder to unlearn. (women too but that’s less related to your specific ask) the latter issue effects every gender/sexuality, but i think it’s heightened in cis het/bi guys bc their relationship to women is heavily influenced by their socialization. i rec this a lot lol but the tragedy of heterosexuality is a good read if you’re interested in contemporary issues in hetero dating from a sociological and anecdotal standpoint. ellen lamont’s research/work is great. there’s also this interesting 2023 study on men
Jul 4, 2024

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i studied sociology and the wonderful v interdisciplinary field of gender studies, here is a combo of my favorite papers + some of the most interesting (if not bizarre) ones. obv they are both heavy fields and i don’t remember exactly what is in each so just be warned there may be difficult topics mentioned! also i am just copy/pasting some of these from old bibliographies and syllabi lol but if you google them most have free PDFs online. i tried picking stuff related to culture but apologies if this is too long, i am a soc/gs nerd! articles: the REAL meaning and origin of the term “male gaze” (and why I get SO mad when women today misuse it instead of saying internalized misogyny): Laura Mulvey “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” 1989 Dana M Britton “The Epistemology of the Gendered Organization” 2000 Dick Hebdidge “Subculture: The Meaning of Style” 2011 (book) George Chauncey “Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890–1940” 1994 (book not article but super iconic / important) Dean Spade “Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics and the Limits of Law” 2011 (another book, v dense) Joan Acker (def check out her other work if you like this one, I love her stuff) “From Sex Roles to Gendered Institutions” 1992 Colin Kaepernick, Robin D. G. Kelley, and Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor (editors) ”Our History Has Always Been Contraband” 2023 (book about Black Studies comprised of essays/excerpts of theory and about history) Evan B Towle and Lynn M Morgan “Romancing the Transgender Native Rethinking the Use of the "Third Gender" Concept” 2002 WEB DuBois “The Souls of Black Folk” 1903 (more people should read this) J. E. Sumerau, Ryan T. Cragun, Lain A. B. Mathers ““I Found God in The Glory Hole”: The Moral Career of a Gay Christian” 2016 lol Patricia Hill Collins “TOWARD A NEW VISION: RACE, CLASS, AND GENDER AS CATEGORIES OF ANALYSIS AND CONNECTION” 1993 (sorry for all caps) Candace West and Don H. Zimmerman “Doing Gender” 1987 Laurel Westbrook and Kristen Schilt “Doing Gender, Determining Gender: Transgender People, Gender Panics, and the Maintenance of the Sex/Gender/Sexuality System” 2014 (MORE PEOPLE SHOULD READ THIS! it basically offers empirical evidence / explanation of of how transphobia actually perpetuates misogyny rather than simply “protecting women” or not) OlĂșfemi O. TĂĄĂ­wĂČ â€œElite Capture: How the Powerful Took Over Identity Politics“ 2022 (book) Cathy J Cohen “Punks, Bulldaggers, and Welfare Queens” 1997 Colin P Ashley “Gay Liberation: How a Once Radical Movement Got Married and Settled Down” 2015
Oct 15, 2024
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i’m rlly interested in culture writing abt the current state of dating. last week i read “why don’t people date their friends anymore?” by serena smith for dazed and “death by situationship” by magdelene j taylor for her personal substack. highly recommend both! 
Mar 25, 2024
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not slept on because nobody’s using the terms but slept on because most people don’t know where the terms are from or their actual definition
 they both are VERY GOOD pieces of writing, the terms’ actual meanings are incredibly useful to have words for, and it makes me sad seeing the terms so commonly misused that most people wouldn’t know the actual definition of either. (and ofc i‘ll note that older literature is imperfect and the work building off of these are important to read too but these pieces are specifically where the terms originate) visual pleasure and narrative cinema (1975) by laura mulvey while a lot of people misuse it as meaning internalized misogyny, male gaze originates from this piece by laura mulvey and describes the ways in which men create, cast, and consume media (mostly film but you can apply to most art) in a manner that largely objectifies and sexualizes female characters / subjects. it’s a little dense in some parts but i especially recommend this one to anyone who enjoys media critique, especially film (ahem, letterboxd users reading this, please go read this one!!!) & compulsory heterosexuality and lesbian existence (1980) by adrienne rich compulsory heterosexuality is a term coined by adrienne rich in 1980 and refers to how in our patriarchal society, it’s been socially constructed that all women are presumed to be straight and are thus socialized to pursue a heteronormative life (the resulting conscriptions are at the detriment of all women, regardless of sexuality + it fuels homophobia by painting queerness as unnatural). it’s contemporarily misused to to describe the heteronormative / homophobic pressure to like men that lesbians might feel. in a moment in which a loooot of young women attracted to men are entertaining the toxic “marry a rich man don’t work!” ideology, i think it’s so important that we acknowledge how the issue of heteronormative patriarchal expectations is damaging to all women when it comes to navigating / envisioning our lives! (those of you who have heard the term misused, are driven crazy by the tradwife tikok trend, or have heard about the “4b movement” in the news might find this piece particularly interesting)
Nov 12, 2024

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being traditionally cool is really quite boring and iterative, and it’s actually very cool and sexy to geek out about something you like or share bits of knowledge on a topic you’re passionate about
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i had it for a little over a year until i was like wow this is actually terrible! i genuinely think it has negatively impacted society by ruining people’s attention spans, having a horrific algorithm, and most of all by the most mind-numbing or outright harmful trends - fake words that people now use IRL (“unalive”), trad wife tiktok, shein hauls, body-focused fitness vids that encourage fatphobia and unhealthy habits, shallow political/feminist theory and queer discourse, “alpha male” podcaster tiktok, encouraging overconsumption in general, trends ruining local spots or niche things
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